Photos from my phone

This one makes me laugh.
She calls the shots on naps and the number of socks required for such an activity.


I spy...a little curl at the end!


"Mom, look, there's a baby in that piano" (on seeing her reflection and proceeding to drool all over the polished baby grand...)


You're doing it wrong.

Mary, would you?

Tis' the season for holiday parties, christmas trees, presents, and nativity scenes. Church plays, carols, family, and cookies.

These things. They fill my heart with happiness.



The sermon at church yesterday had me in tears. Don't believe for a second that I compare myself to Mary- but it was the lesson that touched me. Ultimately, the point was- would Mary say yes if she had the chance to do it all over?

She accepted God's call despite the magnitude of burden.

"...and a sword will pierce your own soul..." Luke 2:35

Maybe I never related to this part of the story so strongly before because I wasn't a Mother. But maybe, I feel a specific tightening in my chest because of our situation. Because reality is the chance that our souls will be pierced by this little girl's reunification is 50/50. The answer to the question- would we say yes if we had the chance to do it all over? is yes. A firm, undeniable, yes.

If God is going to choose you to do something, how do you say No? It would be like...turning down your best friend when she asks you to be her maid of honor, saying no to someone who picks you for their child's Godparent, or telling your boss you decided you didn't want that new project...but worse.

Unsolicited Advice

No, you should NOT have anything painted in chalkboard paint.

Why is that such a fad right now? It never looks good after one erase and after about 30 minutes- the "cool" factor wears off. Who REALLY uses a chalkboard door in their ktichen for their calendar? Right- NO ONE. We're too busy streamlining our schedules with Google calendars and iphones apps.

I'm soooo ready to stop seeing this as a "design" decision. It doesn't enhance anything. Not your wall, not that cabinet door, and NO, not even that desk top.

Duck Duck GOOSE

Words:
Her first word was officially Hi (or Bye?) Basically, the "iiiii" sound with a lot of waving. So, she knew she what she was saying- even if it lacked the hard consonant!

She says "da da" and "ma ma"

And because of one little hand-me down rubber duckie that seems to be one of her favorite things...She's also learned to say Duck (or Quack?). It's mostly a little "u" sound with a lot of "k" sound so it really could be either one.

Growth:
Her hair is growing- can't tell if I detect a little curl at the end or not. Shade TBD, mostly light brown with blonde highlights. But it's FINALLY coming in! I see bows in our future :)

She can pull herself up, she looks for affirmation during all attempts.

Yesterday she just FELT bigger. I hate when I come home and feel like she has grown since I left in the morning. But, it's happening. She can still squeeze into a 9 month outfit but mostly we're transitioning to 12 month clothes (although some are still big).

And Finally:

Attachment. She's showing lots of signs of attachment, some jealously, and even a little attitude. I'm seriously looking forward to more of her personality coming out :) I can't wait to see what she picks up from Justin and me! (Lord, help us. Amen.)

Hello, grey area

92%

There were 46 days at the beginning of 2011 that we did not have Snarkles, although...we got the call and started preparing for her 5 days before she came, so maybe it's more like 41 days? Either way, when you divide 365 by 46...you get a small percentage. There was a very small amount of time that we weren't a family of 3. (5, should the dog and cat count?)

There were no birth announcements, not by her birth parents, not by us. There has been no permanent decision for her case plan. But, there are Christmas cards!

Oh boy, Christmas cards...where we finally get an excuse to send out pictures of little Snarkles.

Is it right? You know, for us to put pictures of her on our family Christmas card, I don't know. I do know that for 92% of this year we have been her parents. We have loved and cherished her and she is what we want to celebrate.

So, it's grey. Some people might get our card and think we're crazy for sending her picture out like she is our legal daughter. Some people might think it means we're adopting. Some people might think it means we don't have any respect for her birth parents. Whatever everyone thinks...I hope one message is clear...

That this little girl has brought us enough joy to last 100% of 100 years.

The Agonizing Unknown

We promised you our love, our trust
Our commitment
You promised us nothing
But have given us everything
You'll feel abandoned by us
Not Social Services, not our State
We bear this burden and we hurt because
It's not true
We won't get the chance to explain it
But, we're living up to our promise

Rewind.

Replay.

Snarkles first visit in 4 months is scheduled.

Sound familiar?

Sound even MORE familiar?

I know, I've said it before and I mean it: I want to stay at this amusement park...but I want to get off this roller coaster!

No news, is simply...no news.

No news is not "good new" in this kind of instance. It's simply...no news.

That concept is hard for some people to grasp. They're immediate reaction tends to be "oh, well if you haven't heard anything that must be good for you guys."

Truthfully, it's not. It's sometimes agonizing...sometimes worrisome...and sometimes just plan obnoxious for someone like me who just WANTS TO HEAR SOMETHING.


Anyway, if we want to keep Snarkles we DO have to do our continuing education. We're about 10 hours short of our 10 hour minimum...

Yeah, that's either 10 books we need to read, 10 seminars we need to attend, or 10 activities we need to do...We SHOULD have been collecting these hours all year long, but, well, we didn't prioritize it. So in addition to holiday decorating, parties, and shopping...you'll be getting my reviews of these educational hours. It'll be like last year all over!

PS. Actually- a year ago we had finished our classes, had our homevisit, and were just finishing paperwork to be sent to the state...I never imagined this journey we were starting!

My Madonna

Snarkles just got her two front teeth and it's not even Christmas!

Her teeth appear to have a gap, eek. I suppose it's ok, I mean, it works for Madonna after all.



...and for {the actor I think is sexiest} Josh Harnett


Did you know he had a gap?! Probably not unless you're obsessed like me. Josh hardly ever shows his teeth when he smiles and it might be that heir of shyness that makes him so freakin' attractive.



Searching Google for these images makes me wonder: are we ever too old to crush on cute guys? If Josh Hartnett or Chris Gorham were on the cover of Seventeen magazine, I can't promise I wouldn't buy a copy and keep it hidden under my bed...

You know, like I did when Jonathan Taylor Thomas was on the cover in 1994.

To foster is NOT to adopt

To announce you are "ADOPTING" is all glory and honor. To announce that you are open to the chance to adopt a child after fostering them for an unknown amount of time...well, no one wants to read that, right?

Yes, fostering can lead to adoption- but I believe that you have to be committed to fostering before you can announce that you are adopting. In fact, I don't feel like you can announce that you are "ADOPTING" before you even have a child {in-foster-care} placed with you, much less one whose case has actually moved to adoption (all children come into foster care with the goal of reunification- the courts make the decision to terminate parental rights at whatever point they see fit).

To be committed to fostering means you have to know that you have no control of any situation, that you will love and provide for, unconditionally, any child placed in your care. You have to believe that there is good in everyone. That you can help the child's parents to become better and that you WILL have a positive impact, no matter what the outcome. You have to go into it knowing you will never regret it, even when it gets the hardest.


In the foster-to-adopt route to adoption, adopting only becomes an option after countless hours have been spent fostering.

So sure, you may foster with the hopes to adopt...but fostering is first and foremost an act of committing yourself to the system- with no promises of the happy ending.

For me it's an act of love and an act of responsibility.

I've been blessed with a house that's too big for two people, a job with a stable income, and parents who raised me to be respectable and capable. So, I was called to act- I was called to do this for reasons greater than my own understanding. It's hard as hell and easier than I ever imagined all at the same time.

What I do understand is that I am doing it because there are children out there that need a loving, stable home and good role models.

It's being part of a community, a community larger than the community of me, where I only do what pleases me and gives me gratification. I am held responsible to the society I live in. If I live here and do nothing, I'm worth nothing. God paid a price for me, I'm worth something so I have to show it. That's why I'm a foster parent.

MIA much

It's been a long time since I posted anything. No reason, except things are busy and not that entertaining for reading...unless you're the type that really buys into these blogs that are mundane regurgitation's of someone's daily to-do list.

I flew solo with Snarkles last weekend and things were pretty amazing. I couldn't ask for a better baby. And how did I get so lucky with one that is so beautiful too?! Really, people are nice and they are even nicer when you look like you have your hands full- or is it that they just wanted to coo at the baby? Yeah, probably the later. whatever.

The trip was short but OH SO SWEET. I have an amazing best friend.

How...

...do I accept compliments on how gorgeous Snarkles is from the people I know, work with, see at church, etc?

Sure, in writing, telling me to just say "thank you" and move on makes the most sense. In reality, the situation is so different than being able to do that.

I do want credit for helping this girl reach her milestones, for influencing her awesome little personality, and for teaching her new things. But, I CAN'T take credit for her beautiful eyes or how insanely cute she is. Thank you just doesn't seem appropriate.

Sometimes, I wish people would just smile and say I'm doing a great job. THAT, I can respond to. Smiling and saying "I just can't get over how beautiful she is, she is so tiny and cute, and her eyes are so pretty and blue" isn't something I can respond to easily.

It would be rude to say "I know, I'll be sure tell her biological parents you said so" or "yes, we 'got' a very beautiful baby from the county," right?!

(Unless you're a complete stranger, in which case, "yes...she is gorgeous, thank you!")

Updates, that aren't so up-to-date

She's over 7 months. She's petite though...most people are guessing 4-5 months when they see her.

She has her two bottom teeth and they are simply adorable. As they move farther up and we start to get peeks of them in her smile...it kills me, it's too cute.

She's gumming away on wheat biscuits and is loving them! The box says they are for 9 month old's who are crawling, we are not 9 months or crawling, but...we're doing good with them.

I tried to give her banana and avacado straight this weekend...both were a huge failure. We'll try cooked carrots next, then maybe toast...she's showing signs of wanting to feed herself (by grabbing the spoon) but she must not like the texture of the real stuff.

Clothes are sized completely weird. Stuff marked 6/9 months fits great, stuff marked simply 9 month is just barely long enough and tight at the neck. Today, we wore a shirt marked 12 months and it fit well...let's hope she doesn't miss out on the chance to wear all the cute things in her closet!

She's still in a size 3 diaper and I keep meaning to weigh and measure her...I'm 100% sure she's more than 14.5lbs (which is what she weighed on August 5th).

She does good at a sitting in a shopping cart and in the high chairs at restaurants. Our biggest problem at most restaurants is that the chairs put her face at the perfect height for gnawing on the table (gross!) and YOU try to have a good dinner while constantly distracting a baby who only wants to gnaw that table...forget all the toys you have for her, that table has magnetic properties.

She still dislikes riding in a car. If we can time it right she'll fall asleep, if not...you better hope you only have a short ride.

She is LOVING the activity triangle and is really starting to get the hang of the different movements the pieces make...not only that, but she's strong enough to toss this toy around.



Wow, none of that was organized...but as for a bullet point run down, it's pretty detailed! I'll read this in a few months, think "my gosh, remember when..." and then cry. I'll cry the biggest tears, tears of happiness for who she's becoming and the joy of getting to see it.

Back before...

...we had our first placement (a term we never use anymore when referring to Miss Snarkles), but we were finished with the MAPP classes and just waiting for our state license, I made a few purchases. To prepare.

For what, I didn't know. But, I couldn't just sit around patiently...

Actually, in our mind- we were waiting for a toddler of sorts, minimum a child sitting up and eating solid food. I bought a range of clothes on consignment.

Did you click that link back to my post about clothes...umm, I went overboard, eh?!

And, while we got the call for a newborn...I believe we also got what we imagined. We just never imagined the journey. You see, I bought this sippy cup imagining a mobile child would be placed with us.

and now...

Prayer Of The Children

Prayer of the Children
Kurt Bestor - Composer
It's about the Yugoslavian wars and he writes about his emotion behind the piece on his blog.

And, maybe, I'm really feeling the emotion in this song right now because the change of seasons, summer to fall (then soon, fall to winter), which always seem to bring about a sense of emotion in me.

I'm always more contemplative, reserved, and in reverence than normal.

Tonight, I've enjoyed some quiet time alone with Miss Snarkles while daddy is at a high school football game. Not because he is in high school, but because he's a band director. A little after 9 this evening, when a tired little girl wouldn't close her eyes, I gave her my hand to chew on and the next thing you know I'm calling everyone (ok, just my parents and Justin) to tell them. No one notices that I'm practically in tears on the other side of the phone because of the levity of this.

As of the moment I am writing this, I'm the only one who has seen or felt her first tooth...the magnitude of that, is unexplainable in words, let alone the fact that she has a tooth.

Her birth parents don't know she has a tooth and it is likely that more strangers will know about this tooth sooner than they will hear about it. I have to let that soak in.

Tonight, I sang the baby to sleep with the lyrics from the song titled above...

...but if I should die before I wake, I pray my soul to take...
...if unknown roads lead away from home, give me loving arms, away from harm

Not alone...

...another young couple recently became first time parents through fostering!

Jennifer, and her husband, welcomed two brothers, age 1 and 4, to their family.


That was the image we had in our head (well, except we are only licensed for 1 child). The image of a toddler. An little body that could communicate, had already developed feelings and a personality, and was toddling around on their own two feet. We got everything but that...

...and I am SO happy watching Snarkles learn to communicate, develop feelings and personality, and toddle around (WAIT, no...she doesn't toddle...yet) with us. For those who haven't met her, she is a rather alert and curious little miss who has never met a stranger.

She is starting to really learn forward and put her arms out for us and I guess, now that she is 7 months old, she thinks it is ok to sit on her own too.

Yes, she is SITTING ON HER OWN (next thing I know, she will be sitting on her own, in the front seat of a car, behind the steering wheel...can someone please stop time?). It's a sweet sorrow. I love seeing her grow and develop, but imma gonna miss her last 6 months as they fade into memories.

I haven't posted enough pictures...

We've never met...

...but I feel compelled to direct any readers I might have to go read about Zaria's fight.

Pretty Swell has put together a powerhouse of prizes to help raise money to support their family financially.

I was never as touched by these stories until I knew what it felt like to love an infant. It's gut-wrenching to imagine the pain they are feeling.

I'm so thankful for all the love and support we've been shown in our journey. I am happy to give now, to someone I have never met, because it's the love and support that have helped us get through...please help Abigail and Zaria's parents in their journey through grief.

Slow down.

It's going so fast. My time with Miss Snarkles.

Whether or not she's in our family forever. It's still a count down. It's still going to change. I'm still only experiencing her at this age once.

Monday, I'll have a 7 month old baby. She's never been professional photographed.

I look back and realize, I didn't have it in me to set something up before. To explain. To tell a photographer why, no matter what happens in the end, we're doing this.

It's the photographer's nature to get personal. They have to, to capture love. And, oh man, whoever is our lucky photographer, there's 7 months of love about to explode in front of her lens.

I hope she does it justice.

Newest

Miss Snarkles has realized there is a DOG living with us (!) and she thinks that dog is HILARIOUS.

It's the best thing in the world to hear that little girl laugh and now, she's not just laughing because things tickle...she's laughing because "that dog's head is huge and funny looking and headed toward me!"

Of course, this dog has been with us since November of 2008, the same November that we closed on our house, the same November that I was taking a professional exam for new credentials, and the SAME November that comes right before December and we all know what hectic times December brings. So yeah, this dog was our best decision made at the worst time.

Speaking of decisions that are poorly timed...

Miss Snarkles and I hiked 2.6 miles total to the top of Hanging Rock, together, alone. Actually, I did all of the hiking, she did most of the sightseeing on the way up and all of the sleeping on the way down.

Let's just say, that, on August 20th, I was the sweatest I've ever been. Have you ever hiked with a heater strapped to your front that weighed an extra 15lbs (not counting the additional weight for water/applejuice/baby paraphernalia). It's crazy I tell 'ya and I totally recommend it if your heater coos and is a cute as mine.

Crazy...in that I can't say it was the best decision I've ever made (oye, the heat!) but crazy because it might become one of my favorite memories. The view at the top is gorgeous and it's my goal to show this little girl the world- I started on August 20, 2011.

It's time...

...that I admit something. I want to adopt this baby girl.

Reunification will never be what's best for her.

I will never regret doing this and yes, i know "it's what we signed up for" but it is hard. It hurts and it's scary.

I'm scared now for what Snarkles future is. I'm worried for her, because we all know how easy it is to loose ones temper or to fall back into drug using and alcoholism. I want her to know what a home is, not to move every 6 months because of eviction. I want her to feel loved and not scared that she'll get yelled at for being a little girl.

There are things that worry me but, at the same time, I feel peace and comfort whenever I look at Snarkles. I know there's a plan for this little girl's future. I hope we're a part of it the way I imagine, but no matter what- I trust that she is always going to be taken care of and watched over. We've got grandma's and grandpa's up in heaven for that kind of thing and I hope they hear me asking them to, forget about me if they have to, follow this little girl.

Tomorrow, on Justin and my 4 year wedding anniversary, Snarkles will have her first visit with her birth mom in 5 months.

The day after that, Snarkles turns 6 months old and we will celebrate.



This post is dedicated to my best friend, Andrea...who recently lost her Granny. I hope that their family feels peace in knowing that Granny's up in heaven watching them. (ps. she saw you finish that whole bottle of wine by yourself...and smiled!)

Dear Wonky,

Who could have guessed you would be so in love with Snarkles stuff?! I've caught you batting around the tops to her bottles, licking her bib, and catching some rays while lounging in her rocking chair...

Now, you have staked claim to the playmat.



But don't think I can't see past this...I know you're subtly trying to let her know who rules the roost and that her screaming will be avenged!

I don't always know...

...what to say when people ask, in reference to Snarkles, "how are things going?"

Do they mean:
A) How are things going, as new parents? Are you sleeping good?
B) How is the baby doing? What did she weigh at her last check-up? Does she eat and poop regularly?
C) How is the case going? What are her birth parents like? What is the foster system like?

I sometimes feel like I answer that question the wrong way. I've answered that simple question in each of the three ways at different times.

I don't mind talking about being a foster parent, I don't mind talking about the Baby's milestones, and I certainly don't mind telling you that, as new parents, we are fairing really well.

Recently, I answered question B in response to the simple question and wish I had just kept going and answered C while I was at it. It was someone who already knew she was our foster child but, I couldn't tell which honest question they wanted answered. After a rambling answer to B, I immediately wish I has added that "she is just like a biological child, we know her quirks, we take her to doctor appointments and we tell her we love her all the time. It's like the foster system is totally removed from our daily lives and we're this little happy family."

I wish I had answered with that because I honestly think that's what people want to know.

They want to know if our home feels invaded by Social Services, or if our schedules are screwed up because of birth parent visits, and whether or not we have bonded emotionally with this little child.

I want people to feel comfortable asking and I want them to know the truths behind foster care. We're not this weak, sensitive duo...if we were, we certainly would not be fostering...

4 month check-up is today.

Our appointment today was ironically scheduled JUST at the right time for her to be seen about her very first cold/sinus or ear infection.

Man, have the last few nights been rough. Daddy and Snarkles stayed home together yesterday and things sort of fluctuated throughout the day...she was doing good and eating in the morning, then by the afternoon her temperature had risen and she was discontent....

But, it's the worst at night. The screaming...ohhhhh baby, the screaming. She gets pretty cozy laying on either one of our's chest but the second you try to lay her in the crib on her back she lets us know that things don't feel good.

This has been going on since Sunday night...I'm writing this Friday morning.

We attributed the first two nights scream fits as her just going through a stage, maybe she was over stimulated, maybe she was hot...But by Wednesday morning her little nose was sooo stuffy that we knew something else was wrong. The red eyes made us think allergies...but I'm not sure that would have made her feel so terrible...anyway, thankfully Tylenol has helped and little missy is acting ok this morning.

Little Missy, you ask?! Yes, one of the many nicknames we have for her. GASP. Actually, in foster care you are NOT allowed to use nicknames unless they are given by the birth parents. (Given her age though, I don't think we're harming her mentally.) If you think about this, it makes sense, a child could become very confused by having one name with one family and another for his other family.

Just ramblings...

I have some free time to write and while I have no plan for what to say here, I figured I'd start typing the words/thoughts as they come to mind.

It's been a blast to be parents these last 4 months. We've only recently realized the scheduling challenges (because it's just not smart to take an infant out boating on the lake) of having a small child. It looks like she's going to get lots of family time while Dad and Mom are out perfecting (err, learning) their slaloming skills!

We're pretty much settled into parenting like any other new Moms and Dads. It's totally not the fostering experience I imagined, but I'm not complaining! At this point (for her case specifically) I can't support reunification.

I really need to take new pics of her room, things have changed so much!

I also would LOVE any book recommendations, someone LOVES being read to and I've already memorized all the good ones we have. On that note, also, as much rhythm and skill that Daddy has...he certainly doesn't seem to get the necessary poetic reading style that one must use with these books so that the words line up to rhyme. Oh well, we'll forgive him because we love him!

We also LOVE watching Daddy conduct his bands and listening to the music. Snarkles has successfully sat quietly through 3 concerts over the last 3 weeks. I'm so proud of her (and myself for handling it solo!). She wiggles and grumps quietly when the music stops but sits frozen still with her eyes as wide as cymbals when the music starts back! It's amazing, beautiful really.

We're so in love with this little girl and I think she knows it.

My only struggles these days are dealing with a long commute to work and a lack of friends our age with babies themselves. We were the first in our "group" to jump into parenting and the others aren't joining us anytime soon. She is spoiled because of that, but our social life will be completely different this summer than we're used to. As for the commute, sometimes that's also more a battle in myself of "can I truly be happy living in a small town?" Honestly, I wish someone would answer that for me...

Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up. Hope everyone out there is doing well!

The visit:

The visit was fairly uneventful, which I suppose is good. Snarkles fussed a bit and then went right to sleep from what I hear.

The logistics of yesterday went something like this:

"Daddy" dropped Snarkles at daycare and as usual left her car seat in a storage room there. I packed a separate bag to go with her to the visit and it was left with the car seat. Her case worker picked her up (at the daycare) using our car seat and they were on their way to the county social services office, where the visits are held in a visitation room. The visit was an hour and then Snarkles case worker packed her back in the seat, and then in the car, for their ride back to daycare.

There may or may not be another visit next week. It won't be at the same time if there is.

In about 8 minutes...

...baby Snarkles is having her first visitation since March 8th. That's roughly 3 months that we've been pretending to be this little family of our own (save for the few homevisits, WIC Appointments, and GAL visits).

Logistically, it's easy. Emotionally, it's hard. I wasn't sure I could pack her bag for the visit last night, I just didn't want to think about this innocent little girl going through this...

To use a beautiful little girl as bait for someone to get their life back on track, just seems ridiculous. She has no idea who these people are, in 3 months she has seen a lot of people more often than she has seen them.

This is what I struggle with: Do you take a 9 month old baby an reunite them with people they have no memories with?

If snarkles was 3 years old and knew a particular man and woman as her dad and mom but spent 9 months away with weekly visits, then OK, I can completely understand reunification in that instance. But, to take a 9 month old child, with NO memory of this man and woman she spends one hour with, once a week (heck, she sees a LOT of people once a week, how do you explain to a 9 month old who THESE "Once a week" people are?!)and send her home with them, just seems to be the most inhumane way to treat a child.

I'm torn up, obviously, but I have a strange peace about it all at the same time. There's a greater plan here, no matter what.

If you haven't, rent the movie Mother and Child, it's in redbox right now.

Crash.

Not that my world's been shaken, because nothing was settled, but the euphoria that was no longer is.

No news on the case, but...

We had an awesome visit this weekend from my younger brother and his wife, who unknowingly came on the perfect weekend for us...see we ended up in this bathroom remodel right at the same time we started fostering our little snarkles...let's just say, trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 2 people. After an unsuccessful go at it from 9 - 11:30pm one night (which left us with a harden bucket of thin set...thanks man at Lowes for telling us it would keep, guess what...it doesn't) we were really unable to tackle the job alone.

So, we scheduled "Pa" (my dad) to come and be the designated tile cutter, while Justin was designated thin set applier and tile putter-upper, and I was in charge of the cleaning of the tile once it was up and measuring for cuts. Let's just say, even with 3 people on the job and 2 babysitters, we're ALMOST done with the wall tile...trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 5 people!

Honestly, they did a great job of watching Snarkles. Thanks to Snarkles' Uncle, she heard the Indiana Jones theme song for the first time. She also graced them with 3 lovely outfits! 1st wardrobe change thanks to pee leakage (on the Uncle!) due to inexperienced diapering and then a VERY unlady like poo explosion (that left them calling for me!) in which she not only soiled herself but her swing...

So, I leave you with a progress photo of the wall tile...



OH! and I found a before...not the same close up, but it'll help understand what we were dealing with (seriously, red and yellow? IN A MASTER BATH?!...I'll spare you my thoughts on that...)

Was that the best Easter present or what?!

Yes, yes...the VERY best present was Jesus sacrifice for us on the cross. But, the best this year...Snarkles SMILED.

Real,
Responsive,
Beautiful,
Smiles.

4 in a row to be exact, the 4th caught on tape- too bad I can't share that here....

How amazing it is that all day she was just her normal baby self and then all of a sudden, around 8pm while hanging out in my lap on the couch beside "Dad"...she decided she wanted to smile at us?!

AMAZING BEYOND WORDS.

I've never experienced that before and if this is the only time I do, well...thank you Snarkles for giving me that moment!

Props to Dad

I just finished listening to the consultation appointment that Snarkles had with a specialist about her belly button!

You're thinking, what do I mean?...Welllll, Justin knew I felt guilty about not going to this appointment about what we thought was a consultation for surgery on her umbilical (because it just seemed silly to take a whole day off from work when he is more than capable to care for her during a simple consultation and he already had the day off) so he voice recorded the entire appointment.

He also had the doctor draw a picture.


(Does that image scare anyone else?!)


It's like I was there! All those worries about him not communicating the information correctly (ladies, you know what I mean)...GONE. Thanks modern, accessible technology!

New Pediatrician!

To be honest what made me recently switch who Snarkles is seeing was 5% doctor/patient interaction and 95% the office environment!

No space should be so unwelcoming from the entrance, so overwhelming with colors, patterns, and things, or have little to no natural light and fresh air as that pediatric office we went to for the first two months.

I'm going to preach this, because it's what I do for a living.

The built environment, the spaces you spend your time in, should make you happy and inspired. They should meet some very basic criteria:

1. Natural light, daylight.

2. Fresh Air.

3. Spacious (different than wasteful space).

4. Clean

5. Energizing*

6. Modern and updated*

Allow me to elaborate...

Natural light is PROVEN to increase the health in patients and not only that but it's proven to increase positive moods and productivity. It also increases the perceived size of the room/space. For me, natural light is at the essence of good design.

Fresh air has become monitored in buildings after more than a decade ago there was the "Sick Building Syndrome" where staff and occupants within buildings that were not adequately ventilated became seriously ill. We all know mold is dangerous to our health and lack of proper air movement passes disease and sickness, so within a health care facility, of all places, having fresh moving air is so immensely important.

I say spacious but not wasted space because the way we use our space can make it 1,000 times more efficient for us or 1,000 more troublesome to manage. In our previous pediatric office, space was at a high premium. If there was any, it was likely taken up by a giant chunk of toy and all wall space was littered with flyers and notes. OH MAN, just thinking back makes my anxiety level rise a little! The hallways were narrow, the patient rooms were ITTY BITTY with only one adult seat and one toddler chair (um, hello, dad AND mom would like to sit down). I need to stop or these thoughts will have me shaking in a second. Our new office, is a total 180 degrees away from that place I just described!

Clean, well...I shouldn't have to elaborate on clean except to say that clean goes beyond bleach and hand sanitizer. Clean is also a feeling, a perception, of the space.

All good design should be energizing. It should feel inspiring and uplifting. The opposite of this is closed in, cluttered, and overwhelming. If your space makes you feel any of those three...CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY. It's not just about the wall color or art work, although those are important aspects to energizing, but it's about movement around the space, the flow of objects, and the location of doors and furniture. Let's just say...I felt beat down just by entering our last pediatric office. The new one...sang choruses of Hallelujah as soon as I walked in!

And last, BUT certainly not least...modern and updated. Keeping up with technology not only shows that the office is proactive, it shows that they are willing to learn new stuff. I equate this to how they will treat my child as a patient. Having a "modern" space simply expresses my personal design style and like I said...if you don't like the space you're in, CHANGE IT. so I did, I went from 1986 geometric patterned floor carpet with confetti accents and a thousand toys space to a 2010 dark "wood" floored, bench seats and simple large graphic art (bring your own toy, toddler)space.


The difference (in all of the above) meant that this Mom didn't pass out and ENJOYED taking her child to get the best health care of her little bitty life.



*Optional, but my preference!

Snarkles Bedroom Reveal!

You guys have been so patient through this all...I know, I should have had these photos up two months ago, but exactly two months and 10 days ago the room still looked like this...

She's got...

...my heart, forever.

How is Snarkles?!

I've neglected to write about her, specifically...I've focused on my feelings about things, our experiences, and the technicalities of fostering. So, if you are curious...

A typical day for Snarkles:

2:00am: wake up for feeding
6:45am: she begins waking and getting restless
7:30am: at daycare, usually fell back asleep in the car
-Daycare-
4:00pm: Justin picks her up
4:30pm: her screaming either means she's hungry, or...has to poop
6:00pm: I get home and find Snarkles sleeping tummy down on Justin's chest, he's "resting his eyes" too
6:01pm: I'm holding Snarkles
8:00pm: Hungry Snarkles, sometimes she sleeps after this, sometimes she's wide awake
10:00-10:30pm: Hungry Snarkles, not as hungry as she thinks she is...usually falls asleep within 1oz. we try to get her to eat a little more, we can usually make it through 1 more oz. before she is sound asleep

She is eating almost 2oz. more per feeding though than she was, 4 solid ounces each time! Which leads to...she has practically doubled in size! (Where did my newborn go?!) She is awfully content, loves to look at herself in the mirror, loves to be held, and the best...she's smiling now!

It's fair to say...

...that before Snarkles I was indifferent to pregnant ladies, babies, and cute Mom's. I wasn't all "ooo and awe" over them.

Now, every time I see a pregnant lady I think about how excited having that baby in her life is going to be. I think about all the joy Snarkles has brought us.

When I see a mother with her child, in photographs or person, I just get this incredible sensation. I see something that I didn't see before because now I know what that love between them looks like and I not only see it, I feel it.



I also have this huge sense of guilt for loving this child so hard. Knowing there's another woman out there who should, in all rights, love this child as hard as any mother. She doesn't have the opportunity.

Even though her own choices led to this situation, it has to be hard when she sees those pregnant ladies, babies, and cute Mom's. Does she miss Snarkles every time she sees another baby girl about the same age? Does it bother her to know another woman is loving her child, holding her, and developing a deep bond with her?!

Managing this feel has got to be the hardest part of fostering. Has to be.

I WANT to be Mom.

We have received a countless number of offers from people who want to watch baby Snarkles for a night. To "keep her while you guys go out on a date."

People are practically begging for her, she's just that cute and sweet.

But, it's getting annoying that I have to keep smiling and saying "thank you" "we will" "we know, we'll call if we need anything." Because, in fact, we are doing GREAT with baby Snarkles and we WANT to give up our time for her.

We never actually "went on dates" before she came, I don't know why we would start now. We don't know how long we will have Snarkles, I plan to spend every second of time with her that I can get. We don't see her all day long, why would I not want to see her at night or on the weekends. The mere 30+/- hours that we have with an awake baby during the week are simply not enough to quench our thirst to love her.

These are just a few of the reasons that I wish people would quit offering to keep her over and over. We should be grateful, but instead I feel like a jerk because I never do call, I never do need them to come watch her so that Justin and I can be alone.

We like taking her with us wherever we go. Experiencing life with her is so special that I just can't seem to "give it up." So, I'm sorry I haven't called. I'm not being rude, I just don't need a night out.

A photo for the faithful readers!

Oh, you wanted a REAL photo?! Trust me, I would LOVE to show you a true picture of this beautiful little girl. There isn't much but she can certainly thank her birth parents for one thing...

My Dear Neglected Blog,

It's nice that you're still around, for the times when I actually spend a second to post. I don't know what happens in the meantime...do people check to see if I've written? are people curious about our experience in fostering? am I on anyone's google reader?

So, I don't know what has happened that I haven't posted lately, I've just...been lazy.

We are now 2 months into the experience...and every week seems to be a little different. Sometimes, things are drastically different day to day depending on the information we receive.

But, in the last week and a half we haven't heard a word about the case nor had a visitation to attend.

It's been glorious, our little "family" has gone about life as if there isn't this crazy caveat to the whole thing.

Today, we have an in home appointment with someone regarding Snarkles entrance into a program through the Health Department. My vague understanding is that they speak about the general health and milestones of the child and offer routine or emergency visits should there be any questions we have regarding Snarkles health.

She was eligible for the program thanks to the situations that brought her into care. I will admit that we could've followed up with this program sooner but honestly I did not quite understand it's usefulness to us. We have a pediatrician, wouldn't we simply use their expertise to answer our questions?

...I'm not convinced that WE need this service, but...it's not about us, it's about Snarkles and so she will be signed up for any and all programs she's eligible for- even, if it isn't convenient for us.

Someone's celebrating St. Patrick's Day

The roller-coaster

Many people refer to different experiences, trials, or even life in general, as a roller-coaster.

Fostering is an emotional roller-coaster for sure.

Today, I'd like to get off the roller-coaster we're riding...

But, there's another part to that analogy...I'd like to get off the roller-coaster we're on, but I don't want to leave the amusement park.

This is the most amazing amusement park in the world.

If you haven't been here, I'd totally recommend it. (even if sometimes the rides are crappy!)

Deserving?

Someone said that Snarkles parents don't "deserve" her.

I'm sorry but, no matter what we do in life, do any of us "deserve" children?

I hope not.

What I mean is this- I hope, being blessed with children is never a matter of "you deserved them" and rather a matter of "you can love them." To be deserving is such a judgement. None of us, on earth, have the right to make such a self-righteous statement. So, no...you will not hear my say that the birth parents don't deserve Snarkles. They certainly can't provide for Snarkles; They can not provide the nurture, the education, the stability, or the love and attention that we can. At least not right now, but honestly, I trust that they could LOVE Snarkles. I hope that somewhere, deep down in their bodies, they love her. Sure their actions don't necessarily say that...but they're not focused on taking care of a child, their focused on themselves. Their "needs" right now are nothing that a baby should be caught up in. So, no, Snarkles should not be with them, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve her.

I've had to dig deep inside myself to really accept that Snarkles could be reunified and to understand how that will ever be ok. We will most likely always be able to provide for Snarkles in ways her birth parents never will. Why couldn't she stay with us for that matter alone?

She would, if it was a matter of deserving.

But even more than that, if it is a matter of deserving, it's hard for me to understand how we deserve Snarkles. Man, to think so would be so self-righteous that I wouldn't be able to stand being in the room with myself. You know those types of people. The Self-Righteous.

Anyway, I can't allow myself to judge Snarkles parents. It's not my place and it won't help me accept reunification, if it happens. All I want to do is trust that Snarkles will always be loved and taken good care of.

Being Selfish

I've been selfish with this process.

Not wanting to share, wanting to hog this experience ever since Snarkles came into our lives.

Snarkles is doing well and growing like a weed- I'm happy to report she's out of premie clothes! Well, I say happy, because it means she's thriving, but honestly, it was sad to pack away the little onsies that she will never fit into again.

Unbelievable. Do you hear me?! I'm such a MOM now.

Anyway, the process has been really positive so far. Monday's are typically the most emotional. Snarkles get's picked up at our house by her foster care case worker and taken to visit with her birth parents. It's emotional because these days are the only day I really hear about what's been happening on the case or when I get a chance to ask the random, curious, questions.

So of course I draw my own conclusions or make irrational assumptions while all the possibilities run through my head.

It's hard to foster a newborn, to pour all your energy into this little bundle of warmth and beauty, and not know nearly as much as you would want to know. Are they pursuing a kinship placement? If the case moves to a different county will the child be able to remain in our care? Are the birth parents working their plan? What IS their plan?....you get the point.

We have not begun what they call "shared parenting" where we interact with the birth parents. However, I was sure to send pictures to the first visit and a note to the second.

It's tough, but we have the most amazing support system. I was touched to receive a gift from a lady that I don't know, but who my Mom has been bragging about us to. That's what makes this process amazing. It brings so many people together, gives people a positive feeling about the world. Not that we think we're doing anything great, but while I was driving home today I realized- I so often try to down play what it is we are doing...when really, this IS amazing. It's amazing to not just send a note with Snarkles to her visit.....


...but to get one back.

Internet Nickname: Snarkles

Because we are not publishing her name we will use an internet nickname...she has been given the name Snarkles thanks to her snarkly sounding breathing. Poor little girl came to us with congestion, she's getting past it...thanks to the snot bulb sucker and our awesome humidifier!


Snarkles Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) is coming today for her first visit. Each child in foster care gets a GAL who is the child's advocate in court. She will speak on behalf of Snarkles for what's best for her, where she seems happy, etc. If Snarkles was able to talk she'd take her into a room alone and ask how she likes living with her foster parents, what she does daily etc. The GAL said a lot of times this is when the children might say that they miss their mommies/daddies.

Anyway, she's coming his afternoon and I think she'll be very happy with Snarkles arrangement here!

You'd think we know what we're doing!

Here she is loaded and ready for her first ped appt. she slept the whole ride there and back.



Burrito baby, not sure this is right, but she seems to sleep good this way!



"Oh, goooooodnesss" her favorite part of a diaper change is this, the holding at the end.



All wrapped in a ducky towel after a bath. She smelled like heaven.



And my personal favorite picture in this whole post...



You can't tell necessary from these pictures, but she's adorable. No really, I CAN be biased on this and I still think she's so freaking cute.

She's been on a long road and now, she's here!

The case so far:

There's an "investigator" {social services job title for someone within the agency} on the baby's case. It seems that this lady's role is to address the initial charges against the parents and the well being of the child.

Yesterday a foster care case worker was added to the case. It seems to me that her role is to now take over the care of the child in foster care. She mentioned that she could take the baby to her doctor appointments which prompted me to ask if I wasn't supposed to do that...because I assumed I would be doing all the things a parent of a child would do...and she said we can do it either way. She said there are some foster parents who don't want to do anything and those who feel comfortable doing it all and want to.

Anyway, so the investigator wasn't at work yesterday and so I suppose this is why the baby wasn't released from the hospital.

There is a noon court appointment today, with the birth parents, where they will meet their attorneys, meet with social services staff, and review the process. At this time they can identify a relative that they want the baby to be placed with. {this is where I want to SCREAM, if I just did all this work over the weekend to get ready for a newborn baby girl, and DON'T get the placement, i'm going to be upset!} so anyway...after this appointment both the investigator {I} and foster care case worker {FCCW} will go pick the baby up from the hospital. The baby may then have a visit with the birth parents this afternoon before coming to our house.

This is only a foster placement

At this point in time we know nothing about the future of the placement.

Will the mom work her plan? Does she want the baby back? Is she still doing drugs or is she in rehab? Will the parental rights eventually be terminated?

Many have asked and, yes, we will CONSIDER adoption. But right now, this is a foster care placement.

Sure, I'd love to end up adopting this child if her situation leads to that and, yes, I'll be devastated to say goodbye to the child if her situation leads to reunification...but right now, we don't know. We signed up for this and know that we're here to give this child a stable home, full of love and care. I plan to do that for as long as she is with us.

I'm not going to speculate on the future of her placement because no one knows at this point. It's not worth getting excited or upset about. Right now, we need to be focused on the health, safety, and well being of a newborn baby. We'll take this one day at a time.

No more, no less.

It's already Sunday night?

Because it feels like only an hour ago that I posted about getting our first placement call {it was 3 days ago}

Thanks to some absolutely-wonderful-coworkers, church family, and "grand"parents I am SO READY. Without their help and support I know my bank account would have been drained and my sanity gone!

Thanks to them there is a dresser full of clothes, a crib set up, a mattress in the cradle and most important, a car seat for the ride home.

Honestly, the best thing about all of this...is that I didn't have to CHOOSE what to buy or put on a registry. Really, I don't know how someone keeps their whits about them when they have go through that?! There is just so much...these bottles? or those? this car seat? or that one? pattern? coordination? what are the best products? what's NOT necessary? oh, and did you know that the pacifier must coordinate with the type of nipple on the bottle...BECAUSE I DIDN'T...

So, needless to say, I am able to take some time to type this out all because we've got an amazing support system. It's the ONLY reason I think we felt comfortable with a placement that has the potential to become challenging.

We're saying YES!

So, we said yes...and I was told "ok, good...well, when the baby gets released we'll give you a call"

REALLY...are you kidding, that's it?! this is such a weird process...

So I guess, I'm planning on picking a baby girl up on Monday or Tuesday next week.

Oh, and OF COURSE I forgot to ask how the birth mother feels about everything (is she mad her baby didn't go home with her? does she want the baby back? do they think she'll work the plan???)...man, I'm really curious! I'm kicking myself for forgetting to ask, it was the one question I wanted to remember and then it felt like the placement worker was trying to get me off the phone and I was too concerned with asking her to get a referral for a developmental and behavioral pediatrician from the current doctor...I guess the baby's well being is more important than the mom's feelings at this point!

Thanks for all your support!

Please wait, while I freak out...

...I never thought we'd get a placement before our license. Secretly, I was hoping...but I never expected it.

Now, we're being asked to BRING IT.

newborn
no prenatal care

baby + for drugs

7lb baby girl

can't be in daycare until 6wks of age

possibly discharged from hospital this weekend, likely discharge day on monday or tuesday though

husband is nervous
in shock, planning for shock when we go from 0-baby in 3 days

haven't said yes, yet

Thoughts on last post...

...it doesn't seem so strange when people live in a rural area in Switzerland, or Iceland, or Australia...in fact, most people are quite intrigued by that.

More than that...

The title of this blog was originally more than just a reference to fostering. It was a reference to our life.

Justin and I seem to have a distinct love for living in a small, rural town {well, semi-rural maybe, we have sidewalks so I'm not really sure how to classify it exactly}

Anyway, I do love it- there are 2 river accesses less than 1 mile from our front door, which means spring, summer, and fall kayaking at our will. The side roads are good for road biking {as long as your leg muscles are built up enough to handle the hills!} and the vistas are pretty spectacular, I've always loved living amongst mountains.

It was/is hard to make the decision, the commitment, to living in such a small town when we don't have to. We have the option to live in either of the two mid-sized cities we live near. But we don't. I can't explain why not exactly. I know many people who say they never could. But, truthfully, anyone can do this and could find how awakening it is. It's annoying to constantly have people react with confusion and ignorance {strong word, I apologize, but there is really no other way to say it} about my choice to live here.

The people we live near and have gotten to know in this particular small town, are wonderful, intelligent, interesting people. They are fun to hang out with and thoughtful on all occasions. Sure, people who fit this description and live in large cities, but what you might not understand...unless you live in a small town...is how different they still are.

I will never regret going through our MAPP classes with people who fit the description above and I am so excited because the first couple from our class got a letter the day before yesterday that they are licensed! I'm so excited for them and can't wait to hear more as their journey continues.

Some favorites!

Gearing Up!

I've been having a blast shopping consignment stores for baby/toddler clothes. The range of stuff in stores honestly has proven to be anywhere from brand new to soiled looking. I've found some great things that I am DYING to see a little one in and some things that i've simply thought...I don't love it but for $1.75, that's worth it.




Oh, you thought I was kidding when I said I went nuts?! Honestly though, this isn't even half of what i'll need...



...let's say I get a 9 month old boy, ok...he'll fit into some of the onsies I have, but I don't have enough for even one week worth! Now, let's say he's growing quick and I've had him for 3 months, he needs size 12-18 months...i'm in trouble.

The emergency has been downgraded

See the before here...

{Our} Story's name...

...I think I just personified "Story"- someone with an English major, or with at least better grammar skills than mine, please correct me if I'm wrong!


It's hard to know what to call your Story in the beginning. I imagine that's why many of them {blogs} include the word "journey" in their title. Rarely is a blog going in reverse, my next post isn't going to be about the day before yesterday. Tomorrow's post isn't going to be about the day before the day before yesterday.

If it were, I'd call my Story, THE PAST. Creative. I know.

Anyway, when I called this Story A Distinctive Love and Unique Path I personally thought our love {for children who aren't ours} was distinct.

Distinct[dih-stingkt] -adjective different in nature or quality.

And that our path {in life} was unique.

Unique[yoo-neek] -adjective having no like or equal; unparalleled; incomparable

And while the smaller pieces of our lives may individually fall into those definitions...I'm finding out that there are more young couples than I imagined whose Story is just.like.ours.

Cat's out of the bag (or box, in Wonky's case)

That's a reference to our dear and lovely (or more accurately, our annoying and moody) cat Wonky, who loves boxes...she loves sitting in them, sniffing them, sleeping in them, rubbing her face on their corners...you get the picture

Anyway- We're telling more and more people that we expect to be a licensed foster home in T minus 1.5 months. In general...it's absolutely amazing. The responses, the interest, the well wishes and the support are all wonderful. We've had a few puzzled responses but honestly, no real negative ones.

Those moments I wrote about before...the ones where I want for the next thing, well I suppose this is the next thing. Happening in real time. Telling our extended network of friends, family, and coworkers is something I'm reveling in!...now, for that really official "Facebook" announcement...

Everyone...

...should spend a day doing nothing but consignment shopping for kids clothing with their mother! (well, I take for granted that I...unlike many...love shopping with my Mom, so you can omit the "with their mother" part of the last statement if it doesn't suit you)

It is especially great (in my opinion) when becoming a foster parent because it means you have no idea what size (other than knowing you asked for one under the age of 3) or what gender your child will be. It's means clothing shopping is 20x more fun because oh, there are so many possibilities- so, yes!, why don't I buy this cute orange dress size 18 months AND that awesome bug shirt size 6-9 months!

Basically...you have an excuse to go nuts on all the cute, consigned child clothing there is!

(I was shocked that not one cashier seemed to notice the range of items purchased and was thankful that none of them asked!)

A weekend of hard labor...

...not really, as you can see, the edges still need to be cut for fraying. It was a fun project, but I'll admit here that I don't want to make quilts for a living.

And, with that...

I'm vowing to make my posts shorter!

Tingly feeling

So, I was just sitting here at work ...wondering what it will be like to say I've been here 10 years, to have the kind of experience, knowledge, efficiency that comes with 10 years of work... When this wave, that lit up every one of my nerve endings, came over me.

I've always wondered what it would be like to be older. Just a little bit older. Heck, I didn't just wonder- I've always WANTED to be older. I wanted the experiences that come with age, the respect that comes with experience, and the pride of being respected.

In high school, I couldn't wait to go to college. In college, I admired (and could not wait) to be the professional. When I wasn't dating, I was daydreaming about my future wedding. When I was dating, I couldn't wait to get married and have that wedding I'd dreamed of.

But, man...experiences are here and gone before you even had a chance to squeeze them of all their precious juices. And I know this, and I try to just take life as it happen, and I intentionally try not to plan for what's next- but it doesn't shut down the way I feel about being older. Just a little bit older.

I've always felt like somewhat of an "old soul" - I felt comfortable in a conversation with grown-ups when I was 6, I admired and could never learn enough about my older brother (even though he is only slightly older, when you're 13 and he's 15...his friends/life just seem so much more experienced than mine), and when it comes to hanging out I'm generally the youngest.

That wave that I felt today, was me being scared that I'll close my eyes and wake up 101 years old...being surrounded only by those younger than me, having nothing to look forward to and no one to look up to...

I guess my point is this- I want to be a foster parent right now. I want to have the experiences to share and a child to love. It's the next step, it's a marker of age, but maybe...maybe I'm missing out right now because all I'm doing is focusing on what's next. What is it, right now, that makes my life wonderful and worthy of a blog post?

Quilt Update/Progress Pictures

Not the first time we've been asked this...

Are you fostering only as a vessel for adoption? That sounds bad, like I'm asking if you don't care about the kids who won't need to be adopted. That isn't it. I guess I'm just curious if this is something you would still do if you thought it wouldn't ever end in growing your permanent family?

Haha, Joanna...this made me chuckle a little bit. Not because I don't take this seriously, but because I know how it feels to try and ask a blunt question in a nice way. I am not the type to be offended by much, so your questions doesn't sound bad to me. It's honest, it's what you want to know and that's why I asked!

To answer your question....No. We are not only fostering to adopt. It's hard to explain why we want to foster. I suppose I feel like it's a service I want to give to the community.

Here we are, two well educated, employed, social beings...in a house with 3 bedrooms, 1800+ sq ft. that we hardly need. It just feels selfish to think only of ourselves. I don't want to create a "family" that becomes so wrapped up in how we are some perfect unit, how "little Johnny (name is only for example's sake) takes after his daddy so much" (not that I don't want to influence our kids and teach them about all the things we love and why), because I want our kids to have their own identity. I want them to appreciate the beauty in other individuals, even if they don't look like us, talk like us, sound like us, or think like us. I want people to see us doing this {fostering} and feel that they can do it too. To work as a team with birth parents who never grew up with positive role models, to be a part of society in a positive way...God made us in his image...he didn't make me in his image and the crack addict living in the bad part of town in a different image...we're all made in his image. {And for those who are maybe rolling their eyes because I just brought God into it...I won't apologize}


Also, have you considered adoption through an agency? What made you decide to foster instead?

No, again...we aren't going into this only for adoption. Sure, I imagine that will be a positive ending to one of our placements...I imagine I'll wish every placement to end that way...but at the same time, I have to realize the benefit in rehabilitating a family unit, in being a temporary home for a child while their parents work through their struggles.

Will you foster more than one child at once?

Right now, the image in our head is of one child at a time. But, just for reference, in our county last year, 128 children entered foster care...there were only around 40 licensed foster homes. I don't know how, once we're licensed, we'll be able to turn away a child when they may be out of other options.

Once they place a child in your home, how much will you share on your blog? I would imagine there would be some limits to what you could reveal and/or feel comfortable with.

I think it's going to be a very situational/figure it out as we go kind of thing. There will be obvious things I won't post, but I imagine I'll want to talk about the experiences, the positives and negatives, and to just keep having fun with this.

For a less personal answer, our county does not currently have any guidelines for what can/can not be posted online/in social media outside of things like their name and birth family information, but a lot of other agencies and states do have policies that prohibit things like posting pictures of the child.

I think the reason I'm doing this {blogging} is so that people, who haven't ever considered fostering/don't know what's involved/think the world lacks people committed to simply doing something because it's the right thing/who are extremely judgmental but have no idea what the situation is, have a reference for considering foster care/can begin to see inside it/realize that the world is full of good people/and appreciate the beauty and diversity in life.

What do you want to know?

Becoming licensed for Foster Care is a detailed process. Please ask me anything you have a curiosity about.

Also, how the whole thing works, from "do you get paid?" to "are you taking Family Medical Leave" has a lot of people asking questions....if you have any for me, I'd love to try to answer them!

Leave your questions in the comment section or feel free to email me, spterrell at gmail dot com.

Welcome 2011,

It's great to meet you, I look forward to our adventures...


Seriously though- we ARE really looking forward to what this year has to bring. We anticipate a lot of new experiences...including fostering!, new projects, a vacation like Justin has never been on before, and maybe even a leap of faith career-wise.

Tomorrow, our final paperwork will be in the hands of our county licensing agent and we will be waiting on pins and needles to hear back from the state on if we have been approved for our license.

_____________________________________

I can't explain why we want to foster or why we aren't having biological kids right now. I probably won't ever be able to explain it with words to anyone outside of our marriage {outside of the family that we build.} We know in our hearts the why, but that doesn't translate into words.

We are as anxious for our first placement as many are for their first pregnancy. We're also just as scared and worried. I'm not excited that a child has to go through the experiences that will lead them into the foster care system, but I'm anxious to be the person there...on the other side of things- offering love, shelter, food, constant care and attention.

I am still working on my quilt. I don't think I ever clarified, but it's a small-ish quilt. One that I anticipate wrapping a little body in, one that I imagine will become a surface for a little body to lay or play on, and one that I hope will offer warmth and comfort for that little body as they sleep. It's amazing to be working on a project for a child that I haven't met- one that at this very moment, might be upset because of neglect or a pitiful family situation. Each square is like on small prayer for all the children who are upset, for the ones who may find themselves in our home and the ones who will find themselves in the homes of other families who are just like us...who can't explain the why, but know in their hearts that it's their responsibility to love a little body that needs love.