Slow down.

It's going so fast. My time with Miss Snarkles.

Whether or not she's in our family forever. It's still a count down. It's still going to change. I'm still only experiencing her at this age once.

Monday, I'll have a 7 month old baby. She's never been professional photographed.

I look back and realize, I didn't have it in me to set something up before. To explain. To tell a photographer why, no matter what happens in the end, we're doing this.

It's the photographer's nature to get personal. They have to, to capture love. And, oh man, whoever is our lucky photographer, there's 7 months of love about to explode in front of her lens.

I hope she does it justice.

Newest

Miss Snarkles has realized there is a DOG living with us (!) and she thinks that dog is HILARIOUS.

It's the best thing in the world to hear that little girl laugh and now, she's not just laughing because things tickle...she's laughing because "that dog's head is huge and funny looking and headed toward me!"

Of course, this dog has been with us since November of 2008, the same November that we closed on our house, the same November that I was taking a professional exam for new credentials, and the SAME November that comes right before December and we all know what hectic times December brings. So yeah, this dog was our best decision made at the worst time.

Speaking of decisions that are poorly timed...

Miss Snarkles and I hiked 2.6 miles total to the top of Hanging Rock, together, alone. Actually, I did all of the hiking, she did most of the sightseeing on the way up and all of the sleeping on the way down.

Let's just say, that, on August 20th, I was the sweatest I've ever been. Have you ever hiked with a heater strapped to your front that weighed an extra 15lbs (not counting the additional weight for water/applejuice/baby paraphernalia). It's crazy I tell 'ya and I totally recommend it if your heater coos and is a cute as mine.

Crazy...in that I can't say it was the best decision I've ever made (oye, the heat!) but crazy because it might become one of my favorite memories. The view at the top is gorgeous and it's my goal to show this little girl the world- I started on August 20, 2011.

It's time...

...that I admit something. I want to adopt this baby girl.

Reunification will never be what's best for her.

I will never regret doing this and yes, i know "it's what we signed up for" but it is hard. It hurts and it's scary.

I'm scared now for what Snarkles future is. I'm worried for her, because we all know how easy it is to loose ones temper or to fall back into drug using and alcoholism. I want her to know what a home is, not to move every 6 months because of eviction. I want her to feel loved and not scared that she'll get yelled at for being a little girl.

There are things that worry me but, at the same time, I feel peace and comfort whenever I look at Snarkles. I know there's a plan for this little girl's future. I hope we're a part of it the way I imagine, but no matter what- I trust that she is always going to be taken care of and watched over. We've got grandma's and grandpa's up in heaven for that kind of thing and I hope they hear me asking them to, forget about me if they have to, follow this little girl.

Tomorrow, on Justin and my 4 year wedding anniversary, Snarkles will have her first visit with her birth mom in 5 months.

The day after that, Snarkles turns 6 months old and we will celebrate.



This post is dedicated to my best friend, Andrea...who recently lost her Granny. I hope that their family feels peace in knowing that Granny's up in heaven watching them. (ps. she saw you finish that whole bottle of wine by yourself...and smiled!)