That's the beauty of having Snarkles...that I'm never home alone anymore.
Before, if I stayed home on a weekend night I seemed to get this feeling that I was not doing anything important or that I wasn't important, in those few cases where I knew everyone else was out but I wasn't invited. I felt like friends never understood me saying I just wanted to stay home, because- why, why be home alone when you could be out having a good time?
But, you can have a good time at home. It's where I have some of the BEST times. Either way, I was left feeling lame and unimportant. Now, staying home makes me feel like I'm doing the most important thing of all and I feel sorry for everyone else who has to go out to find a good time.
I am giving Snarkles stability, comfort, laughs, love, time, attention, and fun memories. In truth, she is giving me all of that in return. And I, for once in life, don't feel lame staying home on a Saturday night.
Sure, my husband went out for dinner, friends were out experiencing the world, fun events were being hosted, and I was simply at home but, I have never been less disappointed.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
4 + 2 = 6 = DONE
She's allowed these next two teeth that are coming through but after this I told her no more teeth.
It'll be ok, because she's so freaking cute that people won't even notice and she'll have 4 on the top which is practically all you need to see for a beautiful smile anyway!
Last night was a rough night for her. It's miserable to see her like that and even more miserable when we're sleep deprived but nothing we do comforts her enough to take away the pain. It went something like this, if I remember correctly
9:00pm
Baby Orajel
Tylenol
Bottle
1:30am
Repeat
3:30am
More Baby Orajel
Little Nose nasal rinse (that was gross)
_:__am, I was not coherent enough to notice the time, plus, I don't wear contacts at night...making this whole process THAT MUCH MORE INTERESTING
A little more Orajel
Walk around rocking baby
How long have we been walking, my back is hurting, boy, she's getting big..
Maybe a little more Orajel? Oh, wait, the directions say only four times a day, well technically it's night time and there are no maximum numbers for night time...
6:30am
She's asleep and I have to get up to shower, ugh
6:45am
She's wide awake...what was that, a power nap?
Happy Friday!
It'll be ok, because she's so freaking cute that people won't even notice and she'll have 4 on the top which is practically all you need to see for a beautiful smile anyway!
Last night was a rough night for her. It's miserable to see her like that and even more miserable when we're sleep deprived but nothing we do comforts her enough to take away the pain. It went something like this, if I remember correctly
9:00pm
Baby Orajel
Tylenol
Bottle
1:30am
Repeat
3:30am
More Baby Orajel
Little Nose nasal rinse (that was gross)
_:__am, I was not coherent enough to notice the time, plus, I don't wear contacts at night...making this whole process THAT MUCH MORE INTERESTING
A little more Orajel
Walk around rocking baby
How long have we been walking, my back is hurting, boy, she's getting big..
Maybe a little more Orajel? Oh, wait, the directions say only four times a day, well technically it's night time and there are no maximum numbers for night time...
6:30am
She's asleep and I have to get up to shower, ugh
6:45am
She's wide awake...what was that, a power nap?
Happy Friday!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I need your help!
I am putting together a printed scrapbook for baby Snarkles first year, she's really not a baby anymore.
I need quotes, meaningful lyrics, words, phrases, snippets...
Please help me! Comment with the ones you love, whether you think they apply or not...
I'm not looking for the ones like "you grew in my heart" because that's not what this is about. It's about Snarkles life, the preciousness of it, the future of it, where she came from (being unable to care for herself) to where she is going (walking and feeding herself) and everything in between.
Words, I love how they can say everything.
Thank you, in advance!
I need quotes, meaningful lyrics, words, phrases, snippets...
Please help me! Comment with the ones you love, whether you think they apply or not...
I'm not looking for the ones like "you grew in my heart" because that's not what this is about. It's about Snarkles life, the preciousness of it, the future of it, where she came from (being unable to care for herself) to where she is going (walking and feeding herself) and everything in between.
Words, I love how they can say everything.
Thank you, in advance!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Visit
I am only just now writing about this, because I was hesitant with where the line is on these kinds of details. So please, in advance, excuse me for my vagueness- I hope you know enough about these types of events/interactions to interpolate.
We went to Snarkles visit with her right after Christmas but before New Year.
There are rights, still granted.
I have not done a great job describing the visit to anyone. I guess it was kind of surreal but meaningless, interesting but uneventful, maddening but not a big deal, all at the same time.
I wish that he had wanted to know more about us and Snarkles life, since we were there. (He has had visits alone with her, but obviously she can't tell him anything) I thought he would have asked questions or given us a piece of his mind- positive or negative, I didn't know what to expect but I guess I did expect something more. There was a severe lack of interaction between us and him. He interacted with Snarkles and we interacted with Snarkles- and that was about the extent of the visit.
I can say that I was MOST shocked by the visitation room at DSS. This is where all her visits have occurred; I painted a picture in my head of this room. This room where I imagine they tried to inspire positive thoughts and actions, where they try to comfort family and child, and where they create an environment that they would like to see modeled by all. Instead, we got a room, tight for the 4 adults and one child in it.
Granted, there may have been some extra weight in that room that wasn't physically there, but it was still not suitable for family visits.
The floor, a GROSS rubberish/vinyl dark blue with the remnants of chewing gum/stickers/and I don't want to think what else caked on that has turned the color of grey smoke. There was a dark burgundy couch, piling of course on the edges from wear. Supposedly they had a slipcover at one time so that they COULD take it off and wash it- however that appeared to be balled up in a corner of one shelf. There were two windows, both with blinds that were closed and yellowed. A school table, you know- the fake woodgrain top with skinny metal legs. Chairs to go with, again a dark blue plastic molded chair and skinny metal legs. I can't even tell you the color of the wall, not because it was that gross...it probably was...but I think the shock of it all made it impossible to commit that to memory. The toys...broken, beaten, used and neglected lay in many piles- nothing organized.
It was one dismal place. I shutter at the thought that I sent Snarkles there quite a few times before seeing it and that I have to continue to send her. No wonder the girl was in such distress at her previous visits alone, not only was she ALONE (read, alone in the sense that this Mommy and Daddy weren't there) but she probably thought that she was being punished. Imagine a 10 month old transitioning from her room at home, her playroom/our living room, the daycare...all flooded with bright glorious daylight and happy soft sounding voices...to that environment- one day every two weeks.
We went to Snarkles visit with her right after Christmas but before New Year.
There are rights, still granted.
I have not done a great job describing the visit to anyone. I guess it was kind of surreal but meaningless, interesting but uneventful, maddening but not a big deal, all at the same time.
I wish that he had wanted to know more about us and Snarkles life, since we were there. (He has had visits alone with her, but obviously she can't tell him anything) I thought he would have asked questions or given us a piece of his mind- positive or negative, I didn't know what to expect but I guess I did expect something more. There was a severe lack of interaction between us and him. He interacted with Snarkles and we interacted with Snarkles- and that was about the extent of the visit.
I can say that I was MOST shocked by the visitation room at DSS. This is where all her visits have occurred; I painted a picture in my head of this room. This room where I imagine they tried to inspire positive thoughts and actions, where they try to comfort family and child, and where they create an environment that they would like to see modeled by all. Instead, we got a room, tight for the 4 adults and one child in it.
Granted, there may have been some extra weight in that room that wasn't physically there, but it was still not suitable for family visits.
The floor, a GROSS rubberish/vinyl dark blue with the remnants of chewing gum/stickers/and I don't want to think what else caked on that has turned the color of grey smoke. There was a dark burgundy couch, piling of course on the edges from wear. Supposedly they had a slipcover at one time so that they COULD take it off and wash it- however that appeared to be balled up in a corner of one shelf. There were two windows, both with blinds that were closed and yellowed. A school table, you know- the fake woodgrain top with skinny metal legs. Chairs to go with, again a dark blue plastic molded chair and skinny metal legs. I can't even tell you the color of the wall, not because it was that gross...it probably was...but I think the shock of it all made it impossible to commit that to memory. The toys...broken, beaten, used and neglected lay in many piles- nothing organized.
It was one dismal place. I shutter at the thought that I sent Snarkles there quite a few times before seeing it and that I have to continue to send her. No wonder the girl was in such distress at her previous visits alone, not only was she ALONE (read, alone in the sense that this Mommy and Daddy weren't there) but she probably thought that she was being punished. Imagine a 10 month old transitioning from her room at home, her playroom/our living room, the daycare...all flooded with bright glorious daylight and happy soft sounding voices...to that environment- one day every two weeks.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Disagree
I just read the following comment, it was a response to something someone posted on a forum about her children, who were in foster care, being reunited with a half-sister in her foster home.
"I'm sorry you are hurting but it is a common event in fostering. I don't know if you are a believer or not but it is time to put them in God's hands. I know that sounds trite but you really don't ahave much recourse."
I am certain that this person didn't mean it the way I'm about to explain it, but it IS how I read it, so...regardless...
God is NOT a fall-back. He's not there because, "well, you have nothing else to rely on or believe in, so there's God."
...and, Recourse?! she wasn't posting about her situation looking for recourse, she was hoping to get support. Support is the one reason we all succeed in being great foster parents- and yes, hopefully she IS a believer in God and already knew that God's hand was over the situation- but it is still heartbreaking. Just because it's "a common event" doesn't mean she ahould simply move on and forget these children- maybe instead you could have offered her advice (from experience) on how to stay connected or ideas for saving, sharing and cherishing the memories. She needs a reminder that she did a great job in parenting those children for the time they were hers, she needs you to simply say that you're there for her, and most of all she needs time to mourn the loss.
It's a good thing I'm outspoken, right? It's probably also a VERY GOOD THING that I know when and where it's appropriate to share my thoughts...you'll be happy to know that I didn't start any wars under the forum but I do hope that the commenter finds her way here :)
"I'm sorry you are hurting but it is a common event in fostering. I don't know if you are a believer or not but it is time to put them in God's hands. I know that sounds trite but you really don't ahave much recourse."
I am certain that this person didn't mean it the way I'm about to explain it, but it IS how I read it, so...regardless...
God is NOT a fall-back. He's not there because, "well, you have nothing else to rely on or believe in, so there's God."
...and, Recourse?! she wasn't posting about her situation looking for recourse, she was hoping to get support. Support is the one reason we all succeed in being great foster parents- and yes, hopefully she IS a believer in God and already knew that God's hand was over the situation- but it is still heartbreaking. Just because it's "a common event" doesn't mean she ahould simply move on and forget these children- maybe instead you could have offered her advice (from experience) on how to stay connected or ideas for saving, sharing and cherishing the memories. She needs a reminder that she did a great job in parenting those children for the time they were hers, she needs you to simply say that you're there for her, and most of all she needs time to mourn the loss.
It's a good thing I'm outspoken, right? It's probably also a VERY GOOD THING that I know when and where it's appropriate to share my thoughts...you'll be happy to know that I didn't start any wars under the forum but I do hope that the commenter finds her way here :)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Christmas!
You know, the one thought that never crossed our mind was...
"Will this be our only Christmas with Snarkles?"
I don't know how to explain our mindset in this whole thing, but the reason I called this blog a Distinctive Love...is because I do, still, sometimes, feel like we have these few things that set us apart from all the other stories you read. It's why I try to find time to write here- maybe I do a good job describing it, maybe I don't...but, I guess the ultimate goal is to show what foster care is/can be. There are so many other stories out there and sure, good or bad they might be accurate accounts, but there's also this story and if you haven't related to any of the other ones, maybe, just maybe, you'll relate to ours.
Our holiday season began with the first biological parent visit since the end of July, but that didn't change a thing. We made sure we took Snarkles to see Santa Claus and put up a Christmas tree just so that she could hang her "baby's first" ornament. We don't taint these activities with thoughts of worry or unknowns for her future. Instead, we perform them like we would for any child whose first Christmas it is. For any child in our care whose second or third or tenth Christmas it is. We simply breath in these moments and enjoy them.
We look back at pictures and marvel at her growth (and our innocence). We look forward, to celebrating her first birthday. Sometimes, we talk so far into the future that I do scare myself. Yes, there are those rare times that I actually STOP words from coming out of my mouth because they don't sound quite right given our circumstances- but, fear not, I always remind myself...this girl is in God's hands.
I am so committed to my future with Snarkles that when I'm with her, I can't even write this blog. When I'm with her, it doesn't seem like we're a story...we're just family.
"Will this be our only Christmas with Snarkles?"
I don't know how to explain our mindset in this whole thing, but the reason I called this blog a Distinctive Love...is because I do, still, sometimes, feel like we have these few things that set us apart from all the other stories you read. It's why I try to find time to write here- maybe I do a good job describing it, maybe I don't...but, I guess the ultimate goal is to show what foster care is/can be. There are so many other stories out there and sure, good or bad they might be accurate accounts, but there's also this story and if you haven't related to any of the other ones, maybe, just maybe, you'll relate to ours.
Our holiday season began with the first biological parent visit since the end of July, but that didn't change a thing. We made sure we took Snarkles to see Santa Claus and put up a Christmas tree just so that she could hang her "baby's first" ornament. We don't taint these activities with thoughts of worry or unknowns for her future. Instead, we perform them like we would for any child whose first Christmas it is. For any child in our care whose second or third or tenth Christmas it is. We simply breath in these moments and enjoy them.
We look back at pictures and marvel at her growth (and our innocence). We look forward, to celebrating her first birthday. Sometimes, we talk so far into the future that I do scare myself. Yes, there are those rare times that I actually STOP words from coming out of my mouth because they don't sound quite right given our circumstances- but, fear not, I always remind myself...this girl is in God's hands.
I am so committed to my future with Snarkles that when I'm with her, I can't even write this blog. When I'm with her, it doesn't seem like we're a story...we're just family.
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