...do I accept compliments on how gorgeous Snarkles is from the people I know, work with, see at church, etc?
Sure, in writing, telling me to just say "thank you" and move on makes the most sense. In reality, the situation is so different than being able to do that.
I do want credit for helping this girl reach her milestones, for influencing her awesome little personality, and for teaching her new things. But, I CAN'T take credit for her beautiful eyes or how insanely cute she is. Thank you just doesn't seem appropriate.
Sometimes, I wish people would just smile and say I'm doing a great job. THAT, I can respond to. Smiling and saying "I just can't get over how beautiful she is, she is so tiny and cute, and her eyes are so pretty and blue" isn't something I can respond to easily.
It would be rude to say "I know, I'll be sure tell her biological parents you said so" or "yes, we 'got' a very beautiful baby from the county," right?!
(Unless you're a complete stranger, in which case, "yes...she is gorgeous, thank you!")
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Updates, that aren't so up-to-date
She's over 7 months. She's petite though...most people are guessing 4-5 months when they see her.
She has her two bottom teeth and they are simply adorable. As they move farther up and we start to get peeks of them in her smile...it kills me, it's too cute.
She's gumming away on wheat biscuits and is loving them! The box says they are for 9 month old's who are crawling, we are not 9 months or crawling, but...we're doing good with them.
I tried to give her banana and avacado straight this weekend...both were a huge failure. We'll try cooked carrots next, then maybe toast...she's showing signs of wanting to feed herself (by grabbing the spoon) but she must not like the texture of the real stuff.
Clothes are sized completely weird. Stuff marked 6/9 months fits great, stuff marked simply 9 month is just barely long enough and tight at the neck. Today, we wore a shirt marked 12 months and it fit well...let's hope she doesn't miss out on the chance to wear all the cute things in her closet!
She's still in a size 3 diaper and I keep meaning to weigh and measure her...I'm 100% sure she's more than 14.5lbs (which is what she weighed on August 5th).
She does good at a sitting in a shopping cart and in the high chairs at restaurants. Our biggest problem at most restaurants is that the chairs put her face at the perfect height for gnawing on the table (gross!) and YOU try to have a good dinner while constantly distracting a baby who only wants to gnaw that table...forget all the toys you have for her, that table has magnetic properties.
She still dislikes riding in a car. If we can time it right she'll fall asleep, if not...you better hope you only have a short ride.
She is LOVING the activity triangle and is really starting to get the hang of the different movements the pieces make...not only that, but she's strong enough to toss this toy around.
Wow, none of that was organized...but as for a bullet point run down, it's pretty detailed! I'll read this in a few months, think "my gosh, remember when..." and then cry. I'll cry the biggest tears, tears of happiness for who she's becoming and the joy of getting to see it.
She has her two bottom teeth and they are simply adorable. As they move farther up and we start to get peeks of them in her smile...it kills me, it's too cute.
She's gumming away on wheat biscuits and is loving them! The box says they are for 9 month old's who are crawling, we are not 9 months or crawling, but...we're doing good with them.
I tried to give her banana and avacado straight this weekend...both were a huge failure. We'll try cooked carrots next, then maybe toast...she's showing signs of wanting to feed herself (by grabbing the spoon) but she must not like the texture of the real stuff.
Clothes are sized completely weird. Stuff marked 6/9 months fits great, stuff marked simply 9 month is just barely long enough and tight at the neck. Today, we wore a shirt marked 12 months and it fit well...let's hope she doesn't miss out on the chance to wear all the cute things in her closet!
She's still in a size 3 diaper and I keep meaning to weigh and measure her...I'm 100% sure she's more than 14.5lbs (which is what she weighed on August 5th).
She does good at a sitting in a shopping cart and in the high chairs at restaurants. Our biggest problem at most restaurants is that the chairs put her face at the perfect height for gnawing on the table (gross!) and YOU try to have a good dinner while constantly distracting a baby who only wants to gnaw that table...forget all the toys you have for her, that table has magnetic properties.
She still dislikes riding in a car. If we can time it right she'll fall asleep, if not...you better hope you only have a short ride.
She is LOVING the activity triangle and is really starting to get the hang of the different movements the pieces make...not only that, but she's strong enough to toss this toy around.
Wow, none of that was organized...but as for a bullet point run down, it's pretty detailed! I'll read this in a few months, think "my gosh, remember when..." and then cry. I'll cry the biggest tears, tears of happiness for who she's becoming and the joy of getting to see it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Back before...
...we had our first placement (a term we never use anymore when referring to Miss Snarkles), but we were finished with the MAPP classes and just waiting for our state license, I made a few purchases. To prepare.
For what, I didn't know. But, I couldn't just sit around patiently...
Actually, in our mind- we were waiting for a toddler of sorts, minimum a child sitting up and eating solid food. I bought a range of clothes on consignment.
Did you click that link back to my post about clothes...umm, I went overboard, eh?!
And, while we got the call for a newborn...I believe we also got what we imagined. We just never imagined the journey. You see, I bought this sippy cup imagining a mobile child would be placed with us.
and now...
For what, I didn't know. But, I couldn't just sit around patiently...
Actually, in our mind- we were waiting for a toddler of sorts, minimum a child sitting up and eating solid food. I bought a range of clothes on consignment.
Did you click that link back to my post about clothes...umm, I went overboard, eh?!
And, while we got the call for a newborn...I believe we also got what we imagined. We just never imagined the journey. You see, I bought this sippy cup imagining a mobile child would be placed with us.
and now...
Friday, September 9, 2011
Prayer Of The Children
Prayer of the Children
Kurt Bestor - Composer
It's about the Yugoslavian wars and he writes about his emotion behind the piece on his blog.
And, maybe, I'm really feeling the emotion in this song right now because the change of seasons, summer to fall (then soon, fall to winter), which always seem to bring about a sense of emotion in me.
I'm always more contemplative, reserved, and in reverence than normal.
Tonight, I've enjoyed some quiet time alone with Miss Snarkles while daddy is at a high school football game. Not because he is in high school, but because he's a band director. A little after 9 this evening, when a tired little girl wouldn't close her eyes, I gave her my hand to chew on and the next thing you know I'm calling everyone (ok, just my parents and Justin) to tell them. No one notices that I'm practically in tears on the other side of the phone because of the levity of this.
As of the moment I am writing this, I'm the only one who has seen or felt her first tooth...the magnitude of that, is unexplainable in words, let alone the fact that she has a tooth.
Her birth parents don't know she has a tooth and it is likely that more strangers will know about this tooth sooner than they will hear about it. I have to let that soak in.
Tonight, I sang the baby to sleep with the lyrics from the song titled above...
...but if I should die before I wake, I pray my soul to take...
...if unknown roads lead away from home, give me loving arms, away from harm
Kurt Bestor - Composer
It's about the Yugoslavian wars and he writes about his emotion behind the piece on his blog.
And, maybe, I'm really feeling the emotion in this song right now because the change of seasons, summer to fall (then soon, fall to winter), which always seem to bring about a sense of emotion in me.
I'm always more contemplative, reserved, and in reverence than normal.
Tonight, I've enjoyed some quiet time alone with Miss Snarkles while daddy is at a high school football game. Not because he is in high school, but because he's a band director. A little after 9 this evening, when a tired little girl wouldn't close her eyes, I gave her my hand to chew on and the next thing you know I'm calling everyone (ok, just my parents and Justin) to tell them. No one notices that I'm practically in tears on the other side of the phone because of the levity of this.
As of the moment I am writing this, I'm the only one who has seen or felt her first tooth...the magnitude of that, is unexplainable in words, let alone the fact that she has a tooth.
Her birth parents don't know she has a tooth and it is likely that more strangers will know about this tooth sooner than they will hear about it. I have to let that soak in.
Tonight, I sang the baby to sleep with the lyrics from the song titled above...
...but if I should die before I wake, I pray my soul to take...
...if unknown roads lead away from home, give me loving arms, away from harm
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Not alone...
...another young couple recently became first time parents through fostering!
Jennifer, and her husband, welcomed two brothers, age 1 and 4, to their family.
That was the image we had in our head (well, except we are only licensed for 1 child). The image of a toddler. An little body that could communicate, had already developed feelings and a personality, and was toddling around on their own two feet. We got everything but that...
...and I am SO happy watching Snarkles learn to communicate, develop feelings and personality, and toddle around (WAIT, no...she doesn't toddle...yet) with us. For those who haven't met her, she is a rather alert and curious little miss who has never met a stranger.
She is starting to really learn forward and put her arms out for us and I guess, now that she is 7 months old, she thinks it is ok to sit on her own too.
Yes, she is SITTING ON HER OWN (next thing I know, she will be sitting on her own, in the front seat of a car, behind the steering wheel...can someone please stop time?). It's a sweet sorrow. I love seeing her grow and develop, but imma gonna miss her last 6 months as they fade into memories.
Jennifer, and her husband, welcomed two brothers, age 1 and 4, to their family.
That was the image we had in our head (well, except we are only licensed for 1 child). The image of a toddler. An little body that could communicate, had already developed feelings and a personality, and was toddling around on their own two feet. We got everything but that...
...and I am SO happy watching Snarkles learn to communicate, develop feelings and personality, and toddle around (WAIT, no...she doesn't toddle...yet) with us. For those who haven't met her, she is a rather alert and curious little miss who has never met a stranger.
She is starting to really learn forward and put her arms out for us and I guess, now that she is 7 months old, she thinks it is ok to sit on her own too.
Yes, she is SITTING ON HER OWN (next thing I know, she will be sitting on her own, in the front seat of a car, behind the steering wheel...can someone please stop time?). It's a sweet sorrow. I love seeing her grow and develop, but imma gonna miss her last 6 months as they fade into memories.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
We've never met...
...but I feel compelled to direct any readers I might have to go read about Zaria's fight.
Pretty Swell has put together a powerhouse of prizes to help raise money to support their family financially.
I was never as touched by these stories until I knew what it felt like to love an infant. It's gut-wrenching to imagine the pain they are feeling.
I'm so thankful for all the love and support we've been shown in our journey. I am happy to give now, to someone I have never met, because it's the love and support that have helped us get through...please help Abigail and Zaria's parents in their journey through grief.
Pretty Swell has put together a powerhouse of prizes to help raise money to support their family financially.
I was never as touched by these stories until I knew what it felt like to love an infant. It's gut-wrenching to imagine the pain they are feeling.
I'm so thankful for all the love and support we've been shown in our journey. I am happy to give now, to someone I have never met, because it's the love and support that have helped us get through...please help Abigail and Zaria's parents in their journey through grief.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Slow down.
It's going so fast. My time with Miss Snarkles.
Whether or not she's in our family forever. It's still a count down. It's still going to change. I'm still only experiencing her at this age once.
Monday, I'll have a 7 month old baby. She's never been professional photographed.
I look back and realize, I didn't have it in me to set something up before. To explain. To tell a photographer why, no matter what happens in the end, we're doing this.
It's the photographer's nature to get personal. They have to, to capture love. And, oh man, whoever is our lucky photographer, there's 7 months of love about to explode in front of her lens.
I hope she does it justice.
Whether or not she's in our family forever. It's still a count down. It's still going to change. I'm still only experiencing her at this age once.
Monday, I'll have a 7 month old baby. She's never been professional photographed.
I look back and realize, I didn't have it in me to set something up before. To explain. To tell a photographer why, no matter what happens in the end, we're doing this.
It's the photographer's nature to get personal. They have to, to capture love. And, oh man, whoever is our lucky photographer, there's 7 months of love about to explode in front of her lens.
I hope she does it justice.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Newest
Miss Snarkles has realized there is a DOG living with us (!) and she thinks that dog is HILARIOUS.
It's the best thing in the world to hear that little girl laugh and now, she's not just laughing because things tickle...she's laughing because "that dog's head is huge and funny looking and headed toward me!"
Of course, this dog has been with us since November of 2008, the same November that we closed on our house, the same November that I was taking a professional exam for new credentials, and the SAME November that comes right before December and we all know what hectic times December brings. So yeah, this dog was our best decision made at the worst time.
Speaking of decisions that are poorly timed...
Miss Snarkles and I hiked 2.6 miles total to the top of Hanging Rock, together, alone. Actually, I did all of the hiking, she did most of the sightseeing on the way up and all of the sleeping on the way down.
Let's just say, that, on August 20th, I was the sweatest I've ever been. Have you ever hiked with a heater strapped to your front that weighed an extra 15lbs (not counting the additional weight for water/applejuice/baby paraphernalia). It's crazy I tell 'ya and I totally recommend it if your heater coos and is a cute as mine.
Crazy...in that I can't say it was the best decision I've ever made (oye, the heat!) but crazy because it might become one of my favorite memories. The view at the top is gorgeous and it's my goal to show this little girl the world- I started on August 20, 2011.
It's the best thing in the world to hear that little girl laugh and now, she's not just laughing because things tickle...she's laughing because "that dog's head is huge and funny looking and headed toward me!"
Of course, this dog has been with us since November of 2008, the same November that we closed on our house, the same November that I was taking a professional exam for new credentials, and the SAME November that comes right before December and we all know what hectic times December brings. So yeah, this dog was our best decision made at the worst time.
Speaking of decisions that are poorly timed...
Miss Snarkles and I hiked 2.6 miles total to the top of Hanging Rock, together, alone. Actually, I did all of the hiking, she did most of the sightseeing on the way up and all of the sleeping on the way down.
Let's just say, that, on August 20th, I was the sweatest I've ever been. Have you ever hiked with a heater strapped to your front that weighed an extra 15lbs (not counting the additional weight for water/applejuice/baby paraphernalia). It's crazy I tell 'ya and I totally recommend it if your heater coos and is a cute as mine.
Crazy...in that I can't say it was the best decision I've ever made (oye, the heat!) but crazy because it might become one of my favorite memories. The view at the top is gorgeous and it's my goal to show this little girl the world- I started on August 20, 2011.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It's time...
...that I admit something. I want to adopt this baby girl.
Reunification will never be what's best for her.
I will never regret doing this and yes, i know "it's what we signed up for" but it is hard. It hurts and it's scary.
I'm scared now for what Snarkles future is. I'm worried for her, because we all know how easy it is to loose ones temper or to fall back into drug using and alcoholism. I want her to know what a home is, not to move every 6 months because of eviction. I want her to feel loved and not scared that she'll get yelled at for being a little girl.
There are things that worry me but, at the same time, I feel peace and comfort whenever I look at Snarkles. I know there's a plan for this little girl's future. I hope we're a part of it the way I imagine, but no matter what- I trust that she is always going to be taken care of and watched over. We've got grandma's and grandpa's up in heaven for that kind of thing and I hope they hear me asking them to, forget about me if they have to, follow this little girl.
Tomorrow, on Justin and my 4 year wedding anniversary, Snarkles will have her first visit with her birth mom in 5 months.
The day after that, Snarkles turns 6 months old and we will celebrate.
This post is dedicated to my best friend, Andrea...who recently lost her Granny. I hope that their family feels peace in knowing that Granny's up in heaven watching them. (ps. she saw you finish that whole bottle of wine by yourself...and smiled!)
Reunification will never be what's best for her.
I will never regret doing this and yes, i know "it's what we signed up for" but it is hard. It hurts and it's scary.
I'm scared now for what Snarkles future is. I'm worried for her, because we all know how easy it is to loose ones temper or to fall back into drug using and alcoholism. I want her to know what a home is, not to move every 6 months because of eviction. I want her to feel loved and not scared that she'll get yelled at for being a little girl.
There are things that worry me but, at the same time, I feel peace and comfort whenever I look at Snarkles. I know there's a plan for this little girl's future. I hope we're a part of it the way I imagine, but no matter what- I trust that she is always going to be taken care of and watched over. We've got grandma's and grandpa's up in heaven for that kind of thing and I hope they hear me asking them to, forget about me if they have to, follow this little girl.
Tomorrow, on Justin and my 4 year wedding anniversary, Snarkles will have her first visit with her birth mom in 5 months.
The day after that, Snarkles turns 6 months old and we will celebrate.
This post is dedicated to my best friend, Andrea...who recently lost her Granny. I hope that their family feels peace in knowing that Granny's up in heaven watching them. (ps. she saw you finish that whole bottle of wine by yourself...and smiled!)
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