Miss Snarkles has realized there is a DOG living with us (!) and she thinks that dog is HILARIOUS.
It's the best thing in the world to hear that little girl laugh and now, she's not just laughing because things tickle...she's laughing because "that dog's head is huge and funny looking and headed toward me!"
Of course, this dog has been with us since November of 2008, the same November that we closed on our house, the same November that I was taking a professional exam for new credentials, and the SAME November that comes right before December and we all know what hectic times December brings. So yeah, this dog was our best decision made at the worst time.
Speaking of decisions that are poorly timed...
Miss Snarkles and I hiked 2.6 miles total to the top of Hanging Rock, together, alone. Actually, I did all of the hiking, she did most of the sightseeing on the way up and all of the sleeping on the way down.
Let's just say, that, on August 20th, I was the sweatest I've ever been. Have you ever hiked with a heater strapped to your front that weighed an extra 15lbs (not counting the additional weight for water/applejuice/baby paraphernalia). It's crazy I tell 'ya and I totally recommend it if your heater coos and is a cute as mine.
Crazy...in that I can't say it was the best decision I've ever made (oye, the heat!) but crazy because it might become one of my favorite memories. The view at the top is gorgeous and it's my goal to show this little girl the world- I started on August 20, 2011.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It's time...
...that I admit something. I want to adopt this baby girl.
Reunification will never be what's best for her.
I will never regret doing this and yes, i know "it's what we signed up for" but it is hard. It hurts and it's scary.
I'm scared now for what Snarkles future is. I'm worried for her, because we all know how easy it is to loose ones temper or to fall back into drug using and alcoholism. I want her to know what a home is, not to move every 6 months because of eviction. I want her to feel loved and not scared that she'll get yelled at for being a little girl.
There are things that worry me but, at the same time, I feel peace and comfort whenever I look at Snarkles. I know there's a plan for this little girl's future. I hope we're a part of it the way I imagine, but no matter what- I trust that she is always going to be taken care of and watched over. We've got grandma's and grandpa's up in heaven for that kind of thing and I hope they hear me asking them to, forget about me if they have to, follow this little girl.
Tomorrow, on Justin and my 4 year wedding anniversary, Snarkles will have her first visit with her birth mom in 5 months.
The day after that, Snarkles turns 6 months old and we will celebrate.
This post is dedicated to my best friend, Andrea...who recently lost her Granny. I hope that their family feels peace in knowing that Granny's up in heaven watching them. (ps. she saw you finish that whole bottle of wine by yourself...and smiled!)
Reunification will never be what's best for her.
I will never regret doing this and yes, i know "it's what we signed up for" but it is hard. It hurts and it's scary.
I'm scared now for what Snarkles future is. I'm worried for her, because we all know how easy it is to loose ones temper or to fall back into drug using and alcoholism. I want her to know what a home is, not to move every 6 months because of eviction. I want her to feel loved and not scared that she'll get yelled at for being a little girl.
There are things that worry me but, at the same time, I feel peace and comfort whenever I look at Snarkles. I know there's a plan for this little girl's future. I hope we're a part of it the way I imagine, but no matter what- I trust that she is always going to be taken care of and watched over. We've got grandma's and grandpa's up in heaven for that kind of thing and I hope they hear me asking them to, forget about me if they have to, follow this little girl.
Tomorrow, on Justin and my 4 year wedding anniversary, Snarkles will have her first visit with her birth mom in 5 months.
The day after that, Snarkles turns 6 months old and we will celebrate.
This post is dedicated to my best friend, Andrea...who recently lost her Granny. I hope that their family feels peace in knowing that Granny's up in heaven watching them. (ps. she saw you finish that whole bottle of wine by yourself...and smiled!)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Dear Wonky,
Who could have guessed you would be so in love with Snarkles stuff?! I've caught you batting around the tops to her bottles, licking her bib, and catching some rays while lounging in her rocking chair...
Now, you have staked claim to the playmat.
But don't think I can't see past this...I know you're subtly trying to let her know who rules the roost and that her screaming will be avenged!
Now, you have staked claim to the playmat.
But don't think I can't see past this...I know you're subtly trying to let her know who rules the roost and that her screaming will be avenged!
Monday, June 13, 2011
I don't always know...
...what to say when people ask, in reference to Snarkles, "how are things going?"
Do they mean:
A) How are things going, as new parents? Are you sleeping good?
B) How is the baby doing? What did she weigh at her last check-up? Does she eat and poop regularly?
C) How is the case going? What are her birth parents like? What is the foster system like?
I sometimes feel like I answer that question the wrong way. I've answered that simple question in each of the three ways at different times.
I don't mind talking about being a foster parent, I don't mind talking about the Baby's milestones, and I certainly don't mind telling you that, as new parents, we are fairing really well.
Recently, I answered question B in response to the simple question and wish I had just kept going and answered C while I was at it. It was someone who already knew she was our foster child but, I couldn't tell which honest question they wanted answered. After a rambling answer to B, I immediately wish I has added that "she is just like a biological child, we know her quirks, we take her to doctor appointments and we tell her we love her all the time. It's like the foster system is totally removed from our daily lives and we're this little happy family."
I wish I had answered with that because I honestly think that's what people want to know.
They want to know if our home feels invaded by Social Services, or if our schedules are screwed up because of birth parent visits, and whether or not we have bonded emotionally with this little child.
I want people to feel comfortable asking and I want them to know the truths behind foster care. We're not this weak, sensitive duo...if we were, we certainly would not be fostering...
Do they mean:
A) How are things going, as new parents? Are you sleeping good?
B) How is the baby doing? What did she weigh at her last check-up? Does she eat and poop regularly?
C) How is the case going? What are her birth parents like? What is the foster system like?
I sometimes feel like I answer that question the wrong way. I've answered that simple question in each of the three ways at different times.
I don't mind talking about being a foster parent, I don't mind talking about the Baby's milestones, and I certainly don't mind telling you that, as new parents, we are fairing really well.
Recently, I answered question B in response to the simple question and wish I had just kept going and answered C while I was at it. It was someone who already knew she was our foster child but, I couldn't tell which honest question they wanted answered. After a rambling answer to B, I immediately wish I has added that "she is just like a biological child, we know her quirks, we take her to doctor appointments and we tell her we love her all the time. It's like the foster system is totally removed from our daily lives and we're this little happy family."
I wish I had answered with that because I honestly think that's what people want to know.
They want to know if our home feels invaded by Social Services, or if our schedules are screwed up because of birth parent visits, and whether or not we have bonded emotionally with this little child.
I want people to feel comfortable asking and I want them to know the truths behind foster care. We're not this weak, sensitive duo...if we were, we certainly would not be fostering...
Friday, June 10, 2011
4 month check-up is today.
Our appointment today was ironically scheduled JUST at the right time for her to be seen about her very first cold/sinus or ear infection.
Man, have the last few nights been rough. Daddy and Snarkles stayed home together yesterday and things sort of fluctuated throughout the day...she was doing good and eating in the morning, then by the afternoon her temperature had risen and she was discontent....
But, it's the worst at night. The screaming...ohhhhh baby, the screaming. She gets pretty cozy laying on either one of our's chest but the second you try to lay her in the crib on her back she lets us know that things don't feel good.
This has been going on since Sunday night...I'm writing this Friday morning.
We attributed the first two nights scream fits as her just going through a stage, maybe she was over stimulated, maybe she was hot...But by Wednesday morning her little nose was sooo stuffy that we knew something else was wrong. The red eyes made us think allergies...but I'm not sure that would have made her feel so terrible...anyway, thankfully Tylenol has helped and little missy is acting ok this morning.
Little Missy, you ask?! Yes, one of the many nicknames we have for her. GASP. Actually, in foster care you are NOT allowed to use nicknames unless they are given by the birth parents. (Given her age though, I don't think we're harming her mentally.) If you think about this, it makes sense, a child could become very confused by having one name with one family and another for his other family.
Man, have the last few nights been rough. Daddy and Snarkles stayed home together yesterday and things sort of fluctuated throughout the day...she was doing good and eating in the morning, then by the afternoon her temperature had risen and she was discontent....
But, it's the worst at night. The screaming...ohhhhh baby, the screaming. She gets pretty cozy laying on either one of our's chest but the second you try to lay her in the crib on her back she lets us know that things don't feel good.
This has been going on since Sunday night...I'm writing this Friday morning.
We attributed the first two nights scream fits as her just going through a stage, maybe she was over stimulated, maybe she was hot...But by Wednesday morning her little nose was sooo stuffy that we knew something else was wrong. The red eyes made us think allergies...but I'm not sure that would have made her feel so terrible...anyway, thankfully Tylenol has helped and little missy is acting ok this morning.
Little Missy, you ask?! Yes, one of the many nicknames we have for her. GASP. Actually, in foster care you are NOT allowed to use nicknames unless they are given by the birth parents. (Given her age though, I don't think we're harming her mentally.) If you think about this, it makes sense, a child could become very confused by having one name with one family and another for his other family.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Just ramblings...
I have some free time to write and while I have no plan for what to say here, I figured I'd start typing the words/thoughts as they come to mind.
It's been a blast to be parents these last 4 months. We've only recently realized the scheduling challenges (because it's just not smart to take an infant out boating on the lake) of having a small child. It looks like she's going to get lots of family time while Dad and Mom are out perfecting (err, learning) their slaloming skills!
We're pretty much settled into parenting like any other new Moms and Dads. It's totally not the fostering experience I imagined, but I'm not complaining! At this point (for her case specifically) I can't support reunification.
I really need to take new pics of her room, things have changed so much!
I also would LOVE any book recommendations, someone LOVES being read to and I've already memorized all the good ones we have. On that note, also, as much rhythm and skill that Daddy has...he certainly doesn't seem to get the necessary poetic reading style that one must use with these books so that the words line up to rhyme. Oh well, we'll forgive him because we love him!
We also LOVE watching Daddy conduct his bands and listening to the music. Snarkles has successfully sat quietly through 3 concerts over the last 3 weeks. I'm so proud of her (and myself for handling it solo!). She wiggles and grumps quietly when the music stops but sits frozen still with her eyes as wide as cymbals when the music starts back! It's amazing, beautiful really.
We're so in love with this little girl and I think she knows it.
My only struggles these days are dealing with a long commute to work and a lack of friends our age with babies themselves. We were the first in our "group" to jump into parenting and the others aren't joining us anytime soon. She is spoiled because of that, but our social life will be completely different this summer than we're used to. As for the commute, sometimes that's also more a battle in myself of "can I truly be happy living in a small town?" Honestly, I wish someone would answer that for me...
Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up. Hope everyone out there is doing well!
It's been a blast to be parents these last 4 months. We've only recently realized the scheduling challenges (because it's just not smart to take an infant out boating on the lake) of having a small child. It looks like she's going to get lots of family time while Dad and Mom are out perfecting (err, learning) their slaloming skills!
We're pretty much settled into parenting like any other new Moms and Dads. It's totally not the fostering experience I imagined, but I'm not complaining! At this point (for her case specifically) I can't support reunification.
I really need to take new pics of her room, things have changed so much!
I also would LOVE any book recommendations, someone LOVES being read to and I've already memorized all the good ones we have. On that note, also, as much rhythm and skill that Daddy has...he certainly doesn't seem to get the necessary poetic reading style that one must use with these books so that the words line up to rhyme. Oh well, we'll forgive him because we love him!
We also LOVE watching Daddy conduct his bands and listening to the music. Snarkles has successfully sat quietly through 3 concerts over the last 3 weeks. I'm so proud of her (and myself for handling it solo!). She wiggles and grumps quietly when the music stops but sits frozen still with her eyes as wide as cymbals when the music starts back! It's amazing, beautiful really.
We're so in love with this little girl and I think she knows it.
My only struggles these days are dealing with a long commute to work and a lack of friends our age with babies themselves. We were the first in our "group" to jump into parenting and the others aren't joining us anytime soon. She is spoiled because of that, but our social life will be completely different this summer than we're used to. As for the commute, sometimes that's also more a battle in myself of "can I truly be happy living in a small town?" Honestly, I wish someone would answer that for me...
Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up. Hope everyone out there is doing well!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The visit:
The visit was fairly uneventful, which I suppose is good. Snarkles fussed a bit and then went right to sleep from what I hear.
The logistics of yesterday went something like this:
"Daddy" dropped Snarkles at daycare and as usual left her car seat in a storage room there. I packed a separate bag to go with her to the visit and it was left with the car seat. Her case worker picked her up (at the daycare) using our car seat and they were on their way to the county social services office, where the visits are held in a visitation room. The visit was an hour and then Snarkles case worker packed her back in the seat, and then in the car, for their ride back to daycare.
There may or may not be another visit next week. It won't be at the same time if there is.
The logistics of yesterday went something like this:
"Daddy" dropped Snarkles at daycare and as usual left her car seat in a storage room there. I packed a separate bag to go with her to the visit and it was left with the car seat. Her case worker picked her up (at the daycare) using our car seat and they were on their way to the county social services office, where the visits are held in a visitation room. The visit was an hour and then Snarkles case worker packed her back in the seat, and then in the car, for their ride back to daycare.
There may or may not be another visit next week. It won't be at the same time if there is.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
In about 8 minutes...
...baby Snarkles is having her first visitation since March 8th. That's roughly 3 months that we've been pretending to be this little family of our own (save for the few homevisits, WIC Appointments, and GAL visits).
Logistically, it's easy. Emotionally, it's hard. I wasn't sure I could pack her bag for the visit last night, I just didn't want to think about this innocent little girl going through this...
To use a beautiful little girl as bait for someone to get their life back on track, just seems ridiculous. She has no idea who these people are, in 3 months she has seen a lot of people more often than she has seen them.
This is what I struggle with: Do you take a 9 month old baby an reunite them with people they have no memories with?
If snarkles was 3 years old and knew a particular man and woman as her dad and mom but spent 9 months away with weekly visits, then OK, I can completely understand reunification in that instance. But, to take a 9 month old child, with NO memory of this man and woman she spends one hour with, once a week (heck, she sees a LOT of people once a week, how do you explain to a 9 month old who THESE "Once a week" people are?!)and send her home with them, just seems to be the most inhumane way to treat a child.
I'm torn up, obviously, but I have a strange peace about it all at the same time. There's a greater plan here, no matter what.
If you haven't, rent the movie Mother and Child, it's in redbox right now.
Logistically, it's easy. Emotionally, it's hard. I wasn't sure I could pack her bag for the visit last night, I just didn't want to think about this innocent little girl going through this...
To use a beautiful little girl as bait for someone to get their life back on track, just seems ridiculous. She has no idea who these people are, in 3 months she has seen a lot of people more often than she has seen them.
This is what I struggle with: Do you take a 9 month old baby an reunite them with people they have no memories with?
If snarkles was 3 years old and knew a particular man and woman as her dad and mom but spent 9 months away with weekly visits, then OK, I can completely understand reunification in that instance. But, to take a 9 month old child, with NO memory of this man and woman she spends one hour with, once a week (heck, she sees a LOT of people once a week, how do you explain to a 9 month old who THESE "Once a week" people are?!)and send her home with them, just seems to be the most inhumane way to treat a child.
I'm torn up, obviously, but I have a strange peace about it all at the same time. There's a greater plan here, no matter what.
If you haven't, rent the movie Mother and Child, it's in redbox right now.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Crash.
Not that my world's been shaken, because nothing was settled, but the euphoria that was no longer is.
Monday, May 2, 2011
No news on the case, but...
We had an awesome visit this weekend from my younger brother and his wife, who unknowingly came on the perfect weekend for us...see we ended up in this bathroom remodel right at the same time we started fostering our little snarkles...let's just say, trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 2 people. After an unsuccessful go at it from 9 - 11:30pm one night (which left us with a harden bucket of thin set...thanks man at Lowes for telling us it would keep, guess what...it doesn't) we were really unable to tackle the job alone.
So, we scheduled "Pa" (my dad) to come and be the designated tile cutter, while Justin was designated thin set applier and tile putter-upper, and I was in charge of the cleaning of the tile once it was up and measuring for cuts. Let's just say, even with 3 people on the job and 2 babysitters, we're ALMOST done with the wall tile...trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 5 people!
Honestly, they did a great job of watching Snarkles. Thanks to Snarkles' Uncle, she heard the Indiana Jones theme song for the first time. She also graced them with 3 lovely outfits! 1st wardrobe change thanks to pee leakage (on the Uncle!) due to inexperienced diapering and then a VERY unlady like poo explosion (that left them calling for me!) in which she not only soiled herself but her swing...
So, I leave you with a progress photo of the wall tile...
OH! and I found a before...not the same close up, but it'll help understand what we were dealing with (seriously, red and yellow? IN A MASTER BATH?!...I'll spare you my thoughts on that...)
So, we scheduled "Pa" (my dad) to come and be the designated tile cutter, while Justin was designated thin set applier and tile putter-upper, and I was in charge of the cleaning of the tile once it was up and measuring for cuts. Let's just say, even with 3 people on the job and 2 babysitters, we're ALMOST done with the wall tile...trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 5 people!
Honestly, they did a great job of watching Snarkles. Thanks to Snarkles' Uncle, she heard the Indiana Jones theme song for the first time. She also graced them with 3 lovely outfits! 1st wardrobe change thanks to pee leakage (on the Uncle!) due to inexperienced diapering and then a VERY unlady like poo explosion (that left them calling for me!) in which she not only soiled herself but her swing...
So, I leave you with a progress photo of the wall tile...
OH! and I found a before...not the same close up, but it'll help understand what we were dealing with (seriously, red and yellow? IN A MASTER BATH?!...I'll spare you my thoughts on that...)
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