I've never believed in having regrets.
(...but I think I realized after this session, I've just never had the type of life experiences where regretting my actions was required for healing)
I have always believed I've grown more mature, stronger, and enlightened through each experience I've had. So, I'm a believer in gains. With each loss there is always a gain, I get that. But what I've neglected to put thought into is, that without grieving a loss, I can't truly realize the gain.
In foster care or any kind of adoption situation, the child is dealing with a loss (many losses). The child will feel with their gut and not with their brain. They won't be able to intellectualize their situations, they'll will just react based on what they feel. This means there are behaviors associated with their stages of grief.
I've had losses in my life. Moving from PA to a town in Southwest VA was a loss for me. I lost having a connection to my extended family and growing up immersed in the culture my family was familiar with. I've always focused on the gains from the situation, thinking about how I would've never met my best friend in elementary school if we had never moved down to VA. Focusing on how the seasons in VA are much more temperate than PA and thinking how great that was for being outdoors. I don't regret having that change in my life, but I do need to grieve the loss.
(...but I think I realized after this session, I've just never had the type of life experiences where regretting my actions was required for healing)
I have always believed I've grown more mature, stronger, and enlightened through each experience I've had. So, I'm a believer in gains. With each loss there is always a gain, I get that. But what I've neglected to put thought into is, that without grieving a loss, I can't truly realize the gain.
In foster care or any kind of adoption situation, the child is dealing with a loss (many losses). The child will feel with their gut and not with their brain. They won't be able to intellectualize their situations, they'll will just react based on what they feel. This means there are behaviors associated with their stages of grief.
I've had losses in my life. Moving from PA to a town in Southwest VA was a loss for me. I lost having a connection to my extended family and growing up immersed in the culture my family was familiar with. I've always focused on the gains from the situation, thinking about how I would've never met my best friend in elementary school if we had never moved down to VA. Focusing on how the seasons in VA are much more temperate than PA and thinking how great that was for being outdoors. I don't regret having that change in my life, but I do need to grieve the loss.
The stages of loss include:
shock/denial
pain/guilt
anger/bargaining
denial/depression
acceptance/understanding
Children in foster care might move through these stages at different paces. The important thing, as foster parents, is that we recognize their feelings and allow them to grieve. We need to help them through the process, not stop them in one stage or let them get stuck in one stage, but to help them work all the way through it.
pain/guilt
anger/bargaining
denial/depression
acceptance/understanding
Children in foster care might move through these stages at different paces. The important thing, as foster parents, is that we recognize their feelings and allow them to grieve. We need to help them through the process, not stop them in one stage or let them get stuck in one stage, but to help them work all the way through it.
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