The Visit

I am only just now writing about this, because I was hesitant with where the line is on these kinds of details. So please, in advance, excuse me for my vagueness- I hope you know enough about these types of events/interactions to interpolate.

We went to Snarkles visit with her right after Christmas but before New Year.

There are rights, still granted.

I have not done a great job describing the visit to anyone. I guess it was kind of surreal but meaningless, interesting but uneventful, maddening but not a big deal, all at the same time.

I wish that he had wanted to know more about us and Snarkles life, since we were there. (He has had visits alone with her, but obviously she can't tell him anything) I thought he would have asked questions or given us a piece of his mind- positive or negative, I didn't know what to expect but I guess I did expect something more. There was a severe lack of interaction between us and him. He interacted with Snarkles and we interacted with Snarkles- and that was about the extent of the visit.

I can say that I was MOST shocked by the visitation room at DSS. This is where all her visits have occurred; I painted a picture in my head of this room. This room where I imagine they tried to inspire positive thoughts and actions, where they try to comfort family and child, and where they create an environment that they would like to see modeled by all. Instead, we got a room, tight for the 4 adults and one child in it.

Granted, there may have been some extra weight in that room that wasn't physically there, but it was still not suitable for family visits.

The floor, a GROSS rubberish/vinyl dark blue with the remnants of chewing gum/stickers/and I don't want to think what else caked on that has turned the color of grey smoke. There was a dark burgundy couch, piling of course on the edges from wear. Supposedly they had a slipcover at one time so that they COULD take it off and wash it- however that appeared to be balled up in a corner of one shelf. There were two windows, both with blinds that were closed and yellowed. A school table, you know- the fake woodgrain top with skinny metal legs. Chairs to go with, again a dark blue plastic molded chair and skinny metal legs. I can't even tell you the color of the wall, not because it was that gross...it probably was...but I think the shock of it all made it impossible to commit that to memory. The toys...broken, beaten, used and neglected lay in many piles- nothing organized.

It was one dismal place. I shutter at the thought that I sent Snarkles there quite a few times before seeing it and that I have to continue to send her. No wonder the girl was in such distress at her previous visits alone, not only was she ALONE (read, alone in the sense that this Mommy and Daddy weren't there) but she probably thought that she was being punished. Imagine a 10 month old transitioning from her room at home, her playroom/our living room, the daycare...all flooded with bright glorious daylight and happy soft sounding voices...to that environment- one day every two weeks.