Thursday, October 7, 2010

We're getting attached

We are growing more attached to our group in each meeting. Laughing over our "acting" and sharing our fears are just two of the reasons the past 12 hours of training have been meaningful.

And as meaningful as that is, I still want to share what we're going through with everyone outside of the class. I want you all to understand what it is like to go through this process. More importantly, to understand what it's like for a child to go through this process.

We all participated in an imagery activity. It was powerful, gut-wrenching, and saddening.

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Close your eyes.
Picture your home, your favorite things, the people and pets with you, the smells
Picture yourself in your home, in your favorite room
There's a knock on the door
There is a Person of Authority at your door, telling you they're taking you to a new home today
You have 30 minutes and a trash bag
You can't pack people or pets, your bed or your favorite wall poster
It's time to go.
While walking away you look back and see your family watching you go
You're in the car on the way to this new house with new people
This new family is EXCITED to have you come
They've been planning to have someone for a while now and they're so excited your finally on the way
You get to the new house, it's nothing like your old home
The neighborhood is different, the house looks different, the people are different
The Person of Authority walks you to the front door
They knock
A family opens the door and they're all smiling, welcoming you in
You ask the Person of Authority before they leave when you will get to see your old family and they say they aren't exactly sure, but another Person of Authority will be in touch with you soon

12 months go by, you've been with your new family for a year
You've had visits with your old family, but they became less frequent as time went on
You've had many good times and a few bad times that you've worked through
You like the new family, you're attached to them

The Person of Authority knocks on the door of your new home
It's time to leave again
You're going back to your old home
You have more time to pack and say goodbye this time
You're walking to the car and you look back to see the family, who you've spent the last year with, watching you leave
You arrive at your old home
It's a much different neighborhood, a different house, and a different life than the past year

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Being guided through this imagery really made me realize what it feels like from the perspective of a child. The thing is, children love their families, regardless of how bad the situation, because it's all they know. The ability of a child to become attached to your family is key to what makes foster care a positive experience. Once they get over the initial hurdle of being hurt, scared, and alone, they can bond with you. They will be able to grow and thrive under your care. You will be able to show them how to trust, to teach them how to live, to guide them with love.

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