...baby Snarkles is having her first visitation since March 8th. That's roughly 3 months that we've been pretending to be this little family of our own (save for the few homevisits, WIC Appointments, and GAL visits).
Logistically, it's easy. Emotionally, it's hard. I wasn't sure I could pack her bag for the visit last night, I just didn't want to think about this innocent little girl going through this...
To use a beautiful little girl as bait for someone to get their life back on track, just seems ridiculous. She has no idea who these people are, in 3 months she has seen a lot of people more often than she has seen them.
This is what I struggle with: Do you take a 9 month old baby an reunite them with people they have no memories with?
If snarkles was 3 years old and knew a particular man and woman as her dad and mom but spent 9 months away with weekly visits, then OK, I can completely understand reunification in that instance. But, to take a 9 month old child, with NO memory of this man and woman she spends one hour with, once a week (heck, she sees a LOT of people once a week, how do you explain to a 9 month old who THESE "Once a week" people are?!)and send her home with them, just seems to be the most inhumane way to treat a child.
I'm torn up, obviously, but I have a strange peace about it all at the same time. There's a greater plan here, no matter what.
If you haven't, rent the movie Mother and Child, it's in redbox right now.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Crash.
Not that my world's been shaken, because nothing was settled, but the euphoria that was no longer is.
Monday, May 2, 2011
No news on the case, but...
We had an awesome visit this weekend from my younger brother and his wife, who unknowingly came on the perfect weekend for us...see we ended up in this bathroom remodel right at the same time we started fostering our little snarkles...let's just say, trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 2 people. After an unsuccessful go at it from 9 - 11:30pm one night (which left us with a harden bucket of thin set...thanks man at Lowes for telling us it would keep, guess what...it doesn't) we were really unable to tackle the job alone.
So, we scheduled "Pa" (my dad) to come and be the designated tile cutter, while Justin was designated thin set applier and tile putter-upper, and I was in charge of the cleaning of the tile once it was up and measuring for cuts. Let's just say, even with 3 people on the job and 2 babysitters, we're ALMOST done with the wall tile...trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 5 people!
Honestly, they did a great job of watching Snarkles. Thanks to Snarkles' Uncle, she heard the Indiana Jones theme song for the first time. She also graced them with 3 lovely outfits! 1st wardrobe change thanks to pee leakage (on the Uncle!) due to inexperienced diapering and then a VERY unlady like poo explosion (that left them calling for me!) in which she not only soiled herself but her swing...
So, I leave you with a progress photo of the wall tile...
OH! and I found a before...not the same close up, but it'll help understand what we were dealing with (seriously, red and yellow? IN A MASTER BATH?!...I'll spare you my thoughts on that...)
So, we scheduled "Pa" (my dad) to come and be the designated tile cutter, while Justin was designated thin set applier and tile putter-upper, and I was in charge of the cleaning of the tile once it was up and measuring for cuts. Let's just say, even with 3 people on the job and 2 babysitters, we're ALMOST done with the wall tile...trying to put up wall tile and take care of a 3 month old is a hard job for 5 people!
Honestly, they did a great job of watching Snarkles. Thanks to Snarkles' Uncle, she heard the Indiana Jones theme song for the first time. She also graced them with 3 lovely outfits! 1st wardrobe change thanks to pee leakage (on the Uncle!) due to inexperienced diapering and then a VERY unlady like poo explosion (that left them calling for me!) in which she not only soiled herself but her swing...
So, I leave you with a progress photo of the wall tile...
OH! and I found a before...not the same close up, but it'll help understand what we were dealing with (seriously, red and yellow? IN A MASTER BATH?!...I'll spare you my thoughts on that...)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Was that the best Easter present or what?!
Yes, yes...the VERY best present was Jesus sacrifice for us on the cross. But, the best this year...Snarkles SMILED.
Real,
Responsive,
Beautiful,
Smiles.
4 in a row to be exact, the 4th caught on tape- too bad I can't share that here....
How amazing it is that all day she was just her normal baby self and then all of a sudden, around 8pm while hanging out in my lap on the couch beside "Dad"...she decided she wanted to smile at us?!
AMAZING BEYOND WORDS.
I've never experienced that before and if this is the only time I do, well...thank you Snarkles for giving me that moment!
Real,
Responsive,
Beautiful,
Smiles.
4 in a row to be exact, the 4th caught on tape- too bad I can't share that here....
How amazing it is that all day she was just her normal baby self and then all of a sudden, around 8pm while hanging out in my lap on the couch beside "Dad"...she decided she wanted to smile at us?!
AMAZING BEYOND WORDS.
I've never experienced that before and if this is the only time I do, well...thank you Snarkles for giving me that moment!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Props to Dad
I just finished listening to the consultation appointment that Snarkles had with a specialist about her belly button!
You're thinking, what do I mean?...Welllll, Justin knew I felt guilty about not going to this appointment about what we thought was a consultation for surgery on her umbilical (because it just seemed silly to take a whole day off from work when he is more than capable to care for her during a simple consultation and he already had the day off) so he voice recorded the entire appointment.
He also had the doctor draw a picture.
(Does that image scare anyone else?!)
It's like I was there! All those worries about him not communicating the information correctly (ladies, you know what I mean)...GONE. Thanks modern, accessible technology!
You're thinking, what do I mean?...Welllll, Justin knew I felt guilty about not going to this appointment about what we thought was a consultation for surgery on her umbilical (because it just seemed silly to take a whole day off from work when he is more than capable to care for her during a simple consultation and he already had the day off) so he voice recorded the entire appointment.
He also had the doctor draw a picture.
(Does that image scare anyone else?!)
It's like I was there! All those worries about him not communicating the information correctly (ladies, you know what I mean)...GONE. Thanks modern, accessible technology!
New Pediatrician!
To be honest what made me recently switch who Snarkles is seeing was 5% doctor/patient interaction and 95% the office environment!
No space should be so unwelcoming from the entrance, so overwhelming with colors, patterns, and things, or have little to no natural light and fresh air as that pediatric office we went to for the first two months.
I'm going to preach this, because it's what I do for a living.
The built environment, the spaces you spend your time in, should make you happy and inspired. They should meet some very basic criteria:
1. Natural light, daylight.
2. Fresh Air.
3. Spacious (different than wasteful space).
4. Clean
5. Energizing*
6. Modern and updated*
Allow me to elaborate...
Natural light is PROVEN to increase the health in patients and not only that but it's proven to increase positive moods and productivity. It also increases the perceived size of the room/space. For me, natural light is at the essence of good design.
Fresh air has become monitored in buildings after more than a decade ago there was the "Sick Building Syndrome" where staff and occupants within buildings that were not adequately ventilated became seriously ill. We all know mold is dangerous to our health and lack of proper air movement passes disease and sickness, so within a health care facility, of all places, having fresh moving air is so immensely important.
I say spacious but not wasted space because the way we use our space can make it 1,000 times more efficient for us or 1,000 more troublesome to manage. In our previous pediatric office, space was at a high premium. If there was any, it was likely taken up by a giant chunk of toy and all wall space was littered with flyers and notes. OH MAN, just thinking back makes my anxiety level rise a little! The hallways were narrow, the patient rooms were ITTY BITTY with only one adult seat and one toddler chair (um, hello, dad AND mom would like to sit down). I need to stop or these thoughts will have me shaking in a second. Our new office, is a total 180 degrees away from that place I just described!
Clean, well...I shouldn't have to elaborate on clean except to say that clean goes beyond bleach and hand sanitizer. Clean is also a feeling, a perception, of the space.
All good design should be energizing. It should feel inspiring and uplifting. The opposite of this is closed in, cluttered, and overwhelming. If your space makes you feel any of those three...CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY. It's not just about the wall color or art work, although those are important aspects to energizing, but it's about movement around the space, the flow of objects, and the location of doors and furniture. Let's just say...I felt beat down just by entering our last pediatric office. The new one...sang choruses of Hallelujah as soon as I walked in!
And last, BUT certainly not least...modern and updated. Keeping up with technology not only shows that the office is proactive, it shows that they are willing to learn new stuff. I equate this to how they will treat my child as a patient. Having a "modern" space simply expresses my personal design style and like I said...if you don't like the space you're in, CHANGE IT. so I did, I went from 1986 geometric patterned floor carpet with confetti accents and a thousand toys space to a 2010 dark "wood" floored, bench seats and simple large graphic art (bring your own toy, toddler)space.
The difference (in all of the above) meant that this Mom didn't pass out and ENJOYED taking her child to get the best health care of her little bitty life.
*Optional, but my preference!
No space should be so unwelcoming from the entrance, so overwhelming with colors, patterns, and things, or have little to no natural light and fresh air as that pediatric office we went to for the first two months.
I'm going to preach this, because it's what I do for a living.
The built environment, the spaces you spend your time in, should make you happy and inspired. They should meet some very basic criteria:
1. Natural light, daylight.
2. Fresh Air.
3. Spacious (different than wasteful space).
4. Clean
5. Energizing*
6. Modern and updated*
Allow me to elaborate...
Natural light is PROVEN to increase the health in patients and not only that but it's proven to increase positive moods and productivity. It also increases the perceived size of the room/space. For me, natural light is at the essence of good design.
Fresh air has become monitored in buildings after more than a decade ago there was the "Sick Building Syndrome" where staff and occupants within buildings that were not adequately ventilated became seriously ill. We all know mold is dangerous to our health and lack of proper air movement passes disease and sickness, so within a health care facility, of all places, having fresh moving air is so immensely important.
I say spacious but not wasted space because the way we use our space can make it 1,000 times more efficient for us or 1,000 more troublesome to manage. In our previous pediatric office, space was at a high premium. If there was any, it was likely taken up by a giant chunk of toy and all wall space was littered with flyers and notes. OH MAN, just thinking back makes my anxiety level rise a little! The hallways were narrow, the patient rooms were ITTY BITTY with only one adult seat and one toddler chair (um, hello, dad AND mom would like to sit down). I need to stop or these thoughts will have me shaking in a second. Our new office, is a total 180 degrees away from that place I just described!
Clean, well...I shouldn't have to elaborate on clean except to say that clean goes beyond bleach and hand sanitizer. Clean is also a feeling, a perception, of the space.
All good design should be energizing. It should feel inspiring and uplifting. The opposite of this is closed in, cluttered, and overwhelming. If your space makes you feel any of those three...CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY. It's not just about the wall color or art work, although those are important aspects to energizing, but it's about movement around the space, the flow of objects, and the location of doors and furniture. Let's just say...I felt beat down just by entering our last pediatric office. The new one...sang choruses of Hallelujah as soon as I walked in!
And last, BUT certainly not least...modern and updated. Keeping up with technology not only shows that the office is proactive, it shows that they are willing to learn new stuff. I equate this to how they will treat my child as a patient. Having a "modern" space simply expresses my personal design style and like I said...if you don't like the space you're in, CHANGE IT. so I did, I went from 1986 geometric patterned floor carpet with confetti accents and a thousand toys space to a 2010 dark "wood" floored, bench seats and simple large graphic art (bring your own toy, toddler)space.
The difference (in all of the above) meant that this Mom didn't pass out and ENJOYED taking her child to get the best health care of her little bitty life.
*Optional, but my preference!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Snarkles Bedroom Reveal!
You guys have been so patient through this all...I know, I should have had these photos up two months ago, but exactly two months and 10 days ago the room still looked like this...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
How is Snarkles?!
I've neglected to write about her, specifically...I've focused on my feelings about things, our experiences, and the technicalities of fostering. So, if you are curious...
A typical day for Snarkles:
2:00am: wake up for feeding
6:45am: she begins waking and getting restless
7:30am: at daycare, usually fell back asleep in the car
-Daycare-
4:00pm: Justin picks her up
4:30pm: her screaming either means she's hungry, or...has to poop
6:00pm: I get home and find Snarkles sleeping tummy down on Justin's chest, he's "resting his eyes" too
6:01pm: I'm holding Snarkles
8:00pm: Hungry Snarkles, sometimes she sleeps after this, sometimes she's wide awake
10:00-10:30pm: Hungry Snarkles, not as hungry as she thinks she is...usually falls asleep within 1oz. we try to get her to eat a little more, we can usually make it through 1 more oz. before she is sound asleep
She is eating almost 2oz. more per feeding though than she was, 4 solid ounces each time! Which leads to...she has practically doubled in size! (Where did my newborn go?!) She is awfully content, loves to look at herself in the mirror, loves to be held, and the best...she's smiling now!
A typical day for Snarkles:
2:00am: wake up for feeding
6:45am: she begins waking and getting restless
7:30am: at daycare, usually fell back asleep in the car
-Daycare-
4:00pm: Justin picks her up
4:30pm: her screaming either means she's hungry, or...has to poop
6:00pm: I get home and find Snarkles sleeping tummy down on Justin's chest, he's "resting his eyes" too
6:01pm: I'm holding Snarkles
8:00pm: Hungry Snarkles, sometimes she sleeps after this, sometimes she's wide awake
10:00-10:30pm: Hungry Snarkles, not as hungry as she thinks she is...usually falls asleep within 1oz. we try to get her to eat a little more, we can usually make it through 1 more oz. before she is sound asleep
She is eating almost 2oz. more per feeding though than she was, 4 solid ounces each time! Which leads to...she has practically doubled in size! (Where did my newborn go?!) She is awfully content, loves to look at herself in the mirror, loves to be held, and the best...she's smiling now!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
It's fair to say...
...that before Snarkles I was indifferent to pregnant ladies, babies, and cute Mom's. I wasn't all "ooo and awe" over them.
Now, every time I see a pregnant lady I think about how excited having that baby in her life is going to be. I think about all the joy Snarkles has brought us.
When I see a mother with her child, in photographs or person, I just get this incredible sensation. I see something that I didn't see before because now I know what that love between them looks like and I not only see it, I feel it.
I also have this huge sense of guilt for loving this child so hard. Knowing there's another woman out there who should, in all rights, love this child as hard as any mother. She doesn't have the opportunity.
Even though her own choices led to this situation, it has to be hard when she sees those pregnant ladies, babies, and cute Mom's. Does she miss Snarkles every time she sees another baby girl about the same age? Does it bother her to know another woman is loving her child, holding her, and developing a deep bond with her?!
Managing this feel has got to be the hardest part of fostering. Has to be.
Now, every time I see a pregnant lady I think about how excited having that baby in her life is going to be. I think about all the joy Snarkles has brought us.
When I see a mother with her child, in photographs or person, I just get this incredible sensation. I see something that I didn't see before because now I know what that love between them looks like and I not only see it, I feel it.
I also have this huge sense of guilt for loving this child so hard. Knowing there's another woman out there who should, in all rights, love this child as hard as any mother. She doesn't have the opportunity.
Even though her own choices led to this situation, it has to be hard when she sees those pregnant ladies, babies, and cute Mom's. Does she miss Snarkles every time she sees another baby girl about the same age? Does it bother her to know another woman is loving her child, holding her, and developing a deep bond with her?!
Managing this feel has got to be the hardest part of fostering. Has to be.
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