Not just managing.

We're thriving.

If you know me, you know I read blogs like crazy. I keep quite a few on Google Reader, have other's that I visit less frequently but still often, or find random ones and read through stories of people's lives that I have never met. I recently stumbled here.

Her writing is excellent (it ought to be, she's an English major/teacher). But more importantly, her ability to convey her thoughts is beyond excellent and her personality is full of depth.

I have to say though, this isn't the first blog post that I have read about working mothers. It is especially not the first about working mother's strife. But in truth, I can not relate to them.

Sure things are unfinished at home, hectic at times, and just busy in general. BUT.THAT'S.OK. Those feelings don't overwhelm me or harbor resentment for me.

I think we need to take a step back from keeping up with the Jones because I believe that's all these posts are about. My response to reading this and to how I overcome this "strife" is as follows...


My Domestic Managing

#1 I've realized that if everything has a "home" and makes it's way there by the end of using it/the end of the day...it's not that difficult to keep everything straightened up. It also means that we're not spending hours looking for things that we need, we know exactly where to find it.
#2 Hire help. I'm not embarrassed to say that not only do I not have time to clean my toilets, but I do not want to clean my toilets. Every other week we pay some wonderful ladies to tackle this part of our house cleaning duties. AND.THERE.IS.NOTHING.WRONG.WITH.THAT! This is not a luxury I grew up with but it is an example of solving a problem to the constant complaint that working mother's have to do it all. Instead of sitting here and complaining that i'm spending too much time cleaning...I'm sitting here telling you that I'm paying for extra time with our baby girl. I feel no obligation to cleaning over spending time with her. I could care less if there are nightly dishes that don't get done and sit in the sink. Which leads me to #3 Loosen up on the expectations you place on yourself and you'll feel so much more happy with where you are in life.

On Motherhood, Work, and Time

It's amazing how much Snarkles has learned from us and it's amazing how much she learns while in daycare. She is a social butterfly and it's a good thing for her to be around the other children. She's learning skills that if at home with me, she wouldn't get. I, personally, could not stay at home everyday, all day, week in, and week out, with just her. I love her to death, but I believe that as long as we inspire her and create memories with her during the hours of the day that she's with us, our mother daughter/father daughter/family bond is as strong as steel.
However, just before Snarkles first birthday I took a risk in my career. I asked for additional time off. Sure, I LOVE being a career woman but I felt like I needed more time at home...so, instead of whining about how little time I get with her, I asked the bosses for a reduced schedule. Justin and I didn't work out the finances or talk in depth about the risks...making the discussion that much more nerve-wracking...instead, Justin just said, do it. And we're months into my new schedule and I couldn't be happier. Friday afternoons with my baby leading into two full weekend days- fill my heart. At work, it hasn't decreased my productivity or ability to perform. The extra 4 hours that I'm at home and not at work are not critical to success, even if my peers are putting in 4 hours more than those 4 hours. I've realized that I can generally predict when a fire will need to be put out on a project and that there is no real work fire that can't wait until Monday morning. If you say "but I can't do that" I would say that if I felt like I wasn't getting the time with her because I work 8-5, 5 days a week, with only an hour for lunch - you better believe that I'd spend that lunch hour with her at the daycare instead of out with coworkers. In essence, you have to make the most of the time you have. If you want the career, or need the career financially, you simply have to make the most of your time and stop harping on what you don't have.

Regarding personal interests and my husband {who is a personal interest}

Sure, I will admit that there is less time to pursue personal interests. There are not as many opportunities for my husband and I to do one of our favorite 30 mile bike rides on a Sunday afternoon and I resigned from a few committees and boards that I sat on. But, I don't feel so left out because of it. I feel like I am just opening myself up to a new interest. I feel like Snarkles is a personal interest, otherwise- why else would we have her?! And, at this time in life, she's the priority. Besides, talking with her is a whole lot less complicated than voting yes for one decision as a board of 16 individuals. Seriously though, we're a team in this. My husband and I support each other in our interests and if it's truly an interest...it shouldn't feel like a burden on your time. If I need or want to do something, we coordinate our schedules and it means Snarkles get's some Daddy time alone...which isn't such a bad thing. Call me an optimist. Truthfully, now, having Snarkles, creates new adventures for us as husband and wife. It's amazing how we're now doing new things together {like conquering the pack-n-play, sitting around the bathtub giving her a bath, figuring out how to tie the moby wrap} and still doing a lot of the same old stuff {like hanging out with friends, watching tv shows, working on house renovations} too.

So, it is all about how you frame it. If everything is seen negatively or you let stress rule your interactions and decision, you won't be able to be happy. You won't focus on the positive because you are too worried about the negative stuff. Let it go. Really, it's ok to just let go of the worry, of the chores, and of the expectations. The Jones don't have it together, you just see them as an out {"If only I could have this or be like this or do this...I would be happy"} but you aren't the Jones and you can't be them...so you have to make the most your life.

I say all of this and you might think "this chick isn't successful and probably lives a messy life" but that's the farthest from the truth. I'm still very successful in my career, I wash and dry my hair everyday, and can coordinate an event like no other...so please, let go of whatever it is that is creating this feeling of failure in your life as a mom, working mom, career woman, wife, friend, sister, daughter. We are not a crazy breed of person. We're all, simply, unique individuals. Wear your life as it suits you best.

PS: Just a quick note to say that this is one of my better posts that illustrates that becoming a first time parent via fostering is no different than any other route. Foster parents's go through these same issues and I believe it's all a matter of how you view life.